Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
The last layer of skin finally grew back on the roof of my mouth from the Hot Pocket I ate in 1987.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) May 10, 2023
If you’re cleaning shoe prints off your glove compartment, you may have a teenager
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 11, 2023
I asked my 6yo to help me open my mail, so he did it and said “there you go Tommy” which would totally make sense if my name was actually Tommy
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) May 9, 2023
5: Daddy am I your favorite or is 10yo your favorite?
Me: Who do you think it is?
5: Probably 10 bc she can hang on the monkey bars longer than me
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) May 7, 2023
My wife’s grocery list just says “soap” and I have no idea what she wants but I’m gonna take a stab at it and buy some yummy ice cream.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) May 10, 2023
i was joking around with 8 saying i'd slap him up beside the head for something. then he looked me in the eyes and said with a laugh "yeah well i'll burn the house down with all of you in it at night and then take my VR and run away so i couldn't be found" and i feel like that's…
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 10, 2023
Last night my 5yo came through the living room and asked “where the hell is my sister?” and my wife got mad at me for laughing.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) May 7, 2023
My girlfriend sat up in bed at 3am and yelled "they'll never find his body" and then giggled. So no sleeping ever again i guess.
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) May 10, 2023
There are two types of people, those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) May 11, 2023
Lional Richie let the world know that he played no active role in raising babies or toddlers when he released the song, “Easy Like Sunday morning.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 16, 2023
Being in my 40s and in karate means I can kick you in the chest but only after warming up for 20 minutes. You’ve been warned.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) May 10, 2023
One of my favorite traditions is going to the grocery store on Mother's Day morning and watching dads try to figure out where to find everything. High comedy.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 11, 2023
How was Rome split in two?
With a pair of Ceasars.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) May 12, 2023
Does any other parent have kids begging them to buy Prime every goddamn minute of the day, or am I the lucky one?
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) May 12, 2023
My son is out picking up his tux for his prom.
I asked if he wanted my help but he said, "no."
Should be interesting. Last time he did something important on his own, he gave up, got sidetracked, and came home with a framed photo of a duck that he bought at a yard sale.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 12, 2023
Let me know if I missed your favorite dad’s tweet, joke, or meme this week!
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