Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
You can't hurt me, I have seen a recent picture of me sleeping
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) January 4, 2023
I’m doing this on purpose so if it’s annoying you that’s ideal
— Mommeh Thee Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) January 2, 2023
me: you need to eat more fruit
my kids: ok let’s make a smoothie
me: not like that
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 4, 2023
Don’t know where I’d be without my kids.
Probably in the bathroom, by myself.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 4, 2023
I've become so adept at negotiating with my toddlers, I'm adding hostage negotiator to my resume.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) January 4, 2023
Just got an Amazon package and my son goes “what is that? period stuff?”… what am I raising my dad or something?
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 31, 2022
When a group of women’s periods all synch up, do you think there’s one alpha-vagina that decides for all of the other vaginas?
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) January 4, 2023
When your kid's 45 minutes into a story then say "wait, let me start again" the appropriate response is to silently walk away, right?
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) January 3, 2023
My kid came into my room and said: it’s time to get up, you can do it mommy! My child has more faith in me than I do
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 4, 2023
6 questioned why one of her gifts from Santa had a barcode on it so if she asks, there’s a Target at the North Pole.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) January 3, 2023
My daughter packed a suitcase for her American Girl doll and it’s nice to not be the only one who packed 80 outfits for a 3 day trip.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 4, 2023
[cat comes to investigate]
me: what’s up kitty? you gonna build legos with the kid?
my kid, 4: legos are kinda difficult for cats
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) January 4, 2023
My husband put the dishes away.
If you have any information about their whereabouts we are deeply concerned for their safety at this time.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 4, 2023
me, any other day: $7 for grapes? gtfo
me, traveling: one $28 sandwich, $18 bag of candy, $15 coffee and $100 sweatshirt please, because its ✨chilly✨ on the plane
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 2, 2023