Here’s a personal dilemma I deal with frequently that involves my kids.
Virtual school starts at 9 am. The kids ask me to wake them up at 7 am so they can screw around, watch YouTube, play video games or do whatever before school starts.
I totally understand the request and reasoning for the wake-up call except those are the hours I typically do all the things that help me get ready for the workday like screw around, make Instagram reels, and play video games.
I know that once I wake them up they’ll be up my ass for a hundred different things.
So the problem becomes – do I let them sleep and wake them up with less time before school and deal with them being miserable all morning or wake them up, get nothing done, and be miserable most of the morning.
You don’t scare me, you’re not 17 missed calls from my mother.
— OMG, Becky! (@thehubrispanda) February 5, 2021
Whoever said you only get your kid for 18 years is wrong. You get them for 9, maybe 10 years, and then your kid hates you.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) February 5, 2021
Remember when we couldn’t find the lyrics in the cd booklet and we were just like
“guess I’ll never know the real words to this song”
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 4, 2021
my daughter said “it’s cold, but it’s a beautiful day.” ppl w no bills are so positive.
— B. (@DontWorryBoutB) February 4, 2021
A parent: *tweets something they hate about parenting*
Every douchebag on the internet: *tells them why they're wrong and how that thing is not that bad/the best/something they will miss one day*
This is why we can't have nice things.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 3, 2021
I just want to be bitten by a radioactive person who had their life together
(@CrockettForReal) January 29, 2021
Not sure if I want to scream or buy shoes.
— *Baseball Chickie!* (@baseballchickie) February 3, 2021
Don't forget to cut me off so you can be the first person to the red light.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) February 4, 2021
My son told me he came downstairs after we tucked him in last night and he heard "gorilla sounds" coming from our bedroom. I never thought we'd have 'the talk' this soon, but I sat him down and told him about irritable bowel syndrome.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 3, 2021
5-year-old: *does something minor* You're so proud of me.
Me: How do you know?
5: I told you.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2021
I don’t know what my husband is planning for Valentine’s Day but I hope it’s him taking the kids somewhere so I can watch my shows in peace.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 1, 2021
I will pay someone $30,000 to train my 11 yo on how to flush a toilet.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 4, 2021
Hear me out: A tranquilizer dart but for annoying people and maybe a milder one for emergency use on kids…
— MommyCocktail (@MommyCocktail) February 4, 2021
You know you've reached another level of being an introvert when you don't know your neighbor's name but your Amazon delivery guy is Kevin.
— A Bearer Of Dad News
(@HomeWithPeanut) February 3, 2021
Husband: It’s not my fault.
Narrator: He later learned it was his fault. All his fault.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 4, 2021
There is no bigger lie than “you’ve been unsubscribed.”
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 3, 2021
my son noticed I was struggling so he brought me a cookie and told me my hair was beautiful
he’ll be hosting his first ‘how to be a good husband’ workshop next week
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) February 1, 2021