Welcome to another installment of “parents about to lose their shit” better known as the funniest parenting memes & tweets of the week. (Hold the applause.)
It’s officially spring break. Next week, the kids are going away for a week with their mom. That means I’ll officially be on spring break.
I have jack shit planned and I plan on enjoying every single damn minute of the week.
Please enjoy this collection dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and regular old rants from parents just like us.
5: I’ve only got one shoe
Me: you need to find the other one
5: I found it!
Me: that was quick, where was it
5: on my foot!
Me: that’s the one you already had on
5: oh— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 14, 2022
3yo: I'm done being your sweet boy.
Me: Why?
3yo: Being a mean boy is more fun.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) April 13, 2022
Homegrown, organic, ethically-raised tiddies.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) April 13, 2022
Apparently my kid got in trouble today for PACKING OUR TOASTER IN HIS BACKPACK and pulling it out at lunch to make pop tarts for his class. I can’t stop laughing.
— Elisa Stone Leahy (@ElisaStoneLeahy) April 13, 2022
4: “Mama, can I watch a PJ Masks?”
Me: “Sure. Is it on YouTube?”
4: “I think it’s On the Man (OnDemand).”
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 14, 2022
7: Mom! I know why it’s called Uranus! Because it’s filled with gas!
-my daughter, probably not winning any science fairs in the near future.
— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) April 14, 2022
“Mommy do you ever look in the mirror, not recognize who it is, and get a crush on them?”
-my 7yo, with probable narcissistic personality disorder
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 13, 2022
In case you’re thinking about having children.
I found my daughters gecko in the refrigerator after it had been dead for a week.
She had put it in there waiting for good weather so she could bury it.— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 13, 2022
Nothing makes you feel like a shittier parent than doing something stupid; like forgetting to buckle your 5-year-old into the car.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 14, 2022
3yo: I pooped in the potty.
Me: Awesome! Let me see. *looks in the potty* Um..Where is it?
3yo: I show you *skips away*
Me: I am afraid to follow you.
— The REAL Messy Mom (@TheREALMessyMom) April 12, 2022
My 7yo pointed out that I served his grilled cheese upside down, if you’re wondering how parenting goes sometimes.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 10, 2022
Me: I'm an adult so I can order Ubereats whenever I want to
Teens emerging from their rooms as uber pings on their phones
Me: Oh god what have I done?
— Lara 🌏⬇️🐨 (@Eithercryingor) April 12, 2022
Today, my 4-year-old put on a clean pair of underwear over his old one. When I pointed that out, he shrugged as if to say, "It's Thursday, at least I'm wearing underwear."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 14, 2022
https://mobile.twitter.com/ksujulie/status/1513934115044741129
I was pretty frustrated when my 5yo kept calling me an “old man” until he clarified that being old meant that I was 20
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) April 14, 2022
The ideal gift for this week borders on vague, but fear not because you’ve found a pic.twitter.com/T8D58MlcHI
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 14, 2022
12 y/o daughter learned Power Point and offered to help me make one for court with bunnies in the background but I told her it probably needed to be more serious than that.
12: OK, I can put top hats on the bunnies.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) April 14, 2022
Daughter: I love you mom but you bother me a lot
Me: it’s ok baby you bother me too sometimes
Daughter: MOM THATS SO MEAN
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 13, 2022
My daughter not only finished my ice cream, but then put the empty carton back in the freezer, so I've started the process of updating my will.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 12, 2022
You may be tough, but you’re not “just sat through a 4th grade recorder concert” tough.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) April 14, 2022
my wife told the boys if they ate all the lemon cupcakes she'll kill them. i told them i'm going to eat all the cupcakes and blame them.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) April 14, 2022
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