I have a one-year-old daughter named Aspen. She is sweet and wonderful, but the funny thing about a toddler is they tend to do some really odd things.
Sometimes I feel like shes a car without a steering wheel and a brick on the gas pedal. I have to always keep one eye on the little stinker, and Ive ended up saying some really crazy things while caring for her. Here are a few examples.
Get your lollipop off of the toilet!
Stop laughing at me while Im naked.
Ugh! Get the plunger out of your mouth.
Pooping in the tub isnt cool, okay? Not cool.
Stop biting me! Youre like an animal!
Where are your socks? WHERE ARE YOUR SOCKS!!!???
If you dont stop sticking your hand in your poop, I swear Ill abandon you in the woods.
Listen. I love you. But pulling my pants down at WalMart isnt okay.
Sit down! You are going to fall out of the cart and bust your head open and everyone will blame me!
You are really lucky that I like you. Now take a nap.
What’s the most insane thing you’ve ever said to your kid?
When he’s not saying insane things to his kid, Clint Edwardsswork has been featured on Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington PostandThe Huffington Post. Hes the author of the new bookThis Is Why We Cant Have Nice Things.