Just The Notes

Parenting Tip #307 – Keep Composed & Avoid The Indoor Playground

A Day At The Indoor Playground

“Welcome to organized chaos,” said an older gentleman who probably served in at least one major war.

He was definitely a veteran of this type of exercise. In his years hed probably seen much worse.

The look on my face must have reminded him of a soldier in his own platoon, knee deep in the battle for the first time, shell-shocked, overwhelmed and ready to go AWOL as soon as the General turned his back.

“Is it always this bad?” I hoped this was the worst it would get.

“This is nothing. Wait until you see the food court.”

The mall on a rainy Sunday. Events too graphic even for the History channel.

He grabbed his grandson by his arm and yelled him for jumping onto his brothers back for the fourth time.

While the other kids sprinted, climbed, skipped, punched and screamed at the indoor playground, my son sat by himself just a few feet away from the Permanent Roommate.

He seemed just as shell-shocked at the scene as his father. After getting his bearings he happily crawled into the middle of the battlefield.

I know I wanted to grab him and throw him back in the stroller before he was run over by grade school tanks or belly crawled onto a landmine disguised as a toddler that hadnt napped.

I could imagine what was going through the Roommates head considering she is way more protective.

Instead, we both let him wander around the indoor playground in front of the JC Penny.

This is good for him. Interacting with other kids. Learning how to assert himself into social situations and HOLY SHIT THAT KID ALMOST KICKED HIM IN THE FACE.

Breathe. Breathe. Hell be fine.

A kick to the face never hurt anyone. Unless you count Johnny Lawrence from The Karate Kid andTHAT KID JUST PUSHED HIM RIGHT OFF THE FAKE PIG!

Which one of you people hatched this little miscreant? Im going to shove a stroller down your ear canal for raising such a mongrel. Just got to watch to see who the little snot runs over to andmmkkkthat guy is the size of an Escalade.

No harm done. There is enough room on the faux pig for everyone to get a turn.

The little guy crawled back to safety.

Those two kids are running right towards one another. Dont they see one other?

Pull out Maverick! Pull out! Maverick! Goose can you hear me?!?!

[Mid-air collision]

The Permanent Roommate lifted the kid from the ground, away from the limp bodies of the fallen (and now hysterically crying) pilots.

“Lets go get some food,” she said, buckling him into the stroller.

Indoor playgrounds, like war, are hell.

The chicken nuggets afterward, however, are delicious.


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Chris Illuminati is a freelance writer and published author. Follow him on Twitter (@chrisilluminati), Instagram (@messagewithabottle) or email him at cilluminati@gmail.com.

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