Opinion

9 Undeniable Truths About Kid’s ‘Naked Time’

Maybe it happens when the kid is just learning to walk, maybe when she is just learning to talk, or maybe the kid has always enjoyed it. Sooner or later, the child develops a want nay, a passion for naked time.




I had always heard of naked time, though my firstborn had only a fleeting affair with it. My second child, however, is in a full-blown relationship with ripping off her clothes. If you have also had a child who sported his or her birthday suit more often than any other piece of clothing in the closet, then you know the following to be true:

Naked Time Truth #1: The child does not give a shitabout where the nakedness happens

At first, I tried to fight it. No, you cant take off your clothes because we have company. You are eating dinner; keep your pants on. You know that its 50 degrees outside, right?

I dont stop the nakedness anymore. Whatever, shes 2. If you cant handle my naked child, Im not sure why you are in my home or at the playground, where I may have let her run around topless after some negotiation.

Naked Time Truth #2: You need to have a rag and carpet cleaner ready

There will be an accident. No, not the she spilled Cheerios all over the floor again kind of accident. I mean the she is getting into the squat position kind of accident. It may not happen every time, but when it does, thank goodness for quick action.

Naked Time Truth #3: But you wont find every spot

More than once, I have walked through a room, stepped in something wet and thought, Ah, so she was here, too. Some days, you can connect the wet spots to figure out her path through the house.

Naked Time Truth #4: No surface is safe

Oh man, I almost dont even want people to know the places where my daughter has sat in all her naked glory. Shes a climber, too, which means countertops, sofa cushions and dining room tables are all high-risk areas. I clean what I can, but I wont pretend that every area has been sterilized. So, theres that.

Naked Time Truth #5: Things will get awkward

Im all about encouraging my children to learn the correct names for body parts and recognize that they have, um, special areas. Part of that discovery involves some incredibly awkward moments and conversations that are nearly always useless. After all, Yes, you can touch that but only in your own room, doesnt hold much water with a toddler.

Naked Time Truth #6: Everything is funnier because they are naked

Sure, her dancing to Gangnam Style is funny any old time, but all that bare skin kicks it up a notch. A clothed kid running around the house with a lightsaber? Mundane. A naked kid running around the house with a lightsaber? Hilarious.

Naked Time Truth #7: Youll take pictures you can never show anyone

Because everyone just FREAKS OUT at nakedness now. Oooh, a breastfeeding picture? Lets report it. A babys butt? Inappropriate! Just another parenting behavior people need to get over.

I dont post pictures of naked time on social media, but really its only because the Internet would explode if I did, and I would be lost without Google Maps and Netflix.

Naked Time Truth #8: Everyone seems happier

The kid is happy. Her happiness just infects everyone else in the room (or on the playground). Even cranky mommy, who just scrubbed the carpet for 10 minutes, cannot escape the naked time giggles.

Naked Time Truth #9: There is nothing cuter than a naked baby butt

There just isnt. Nope, not a kitten dressed as a pumpkin or a puppy sliding around on a kitchen floor. Those are cute in their own right, but they dont compare to a squishy, chubby baby butt bouncing all over my home.

I guess you could say that I like naked time almost as much as she does.

Almost.

Go enjoy more of Kates sarcastic sense of humor at her blog,My Kind of Parenting, orhereon Facebook.

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