Opinion

7 Statements That Will Piss Off A Parent Who Is Venting

Parents need to complain a little. What we DONT need are people who respond to our woes with snarky reactions like these...

We are parents, and we have a damn hard job. Sometimes, we need to blow off a little steam.

We need to rant to our friends about our kids. We need to give the side eye to people who get eight hours of sleep at night.

We need to complain a little.

What we DONT need are people who respond to our woes with snarky reactions like these comments that will piss off a parent who’s venting.

How To Piss Off A Parent Who’s Venting

If you think parenting is so tough, maybe you shouldnt be a parent.

You are so right. I dont deserve my kids because I dared to say I needed a 30-minute break from them. Here, you take them. I bet you are a way better mom than I am because every freaking one of your Instagram posts is a sunburst of dandelion smiles and lollipop dreams. My apologies for keeping it real.

There are people who really want kids and cant have them, you know.

OF COURSE I KNOW THAT! Its terrible, and my heart breaks for them. But you know what? If they ever do have kids, I bet that at least once during parenthood they are going to complain about something.

How do I know that? Because I had a miscarriage before I had my kids, and I swore up and down that all I wanted in life was a healthy child and that I would be the best mother ever.

Then I had a healthy child, and I complained about him. So suck on that.

If you have time to complain, then you clearly have too much time on your hands.

Fork stab.

Why do you stay at home with the kids if you dont like it? Maybe you should get a real job.

What in the actual f—? I make one comment over coffee about how hard it is to be around my kids all the time and suddenly I need to rejoin the workforce? You just whined to me for 45 minutes about an asshole you work with and never once did I suggest that you should quit your job?

Why do you work full-time if you want to be at home with the kids? Maybe you should quit.

Because: money, dumbass.

Did you read this book on that problem? It will help.

Look, its nice of you to try to help, but its not going to happen. Here is what I read: instructions for putting together Lego sets, princess bedtime stories, nutrition labels, hilarious Facebook posts and emails from my mom. If there is time for reading outside of that, Im going to choose a light, entertaining book, not words from a stranger with a PhD offering a solution that probably wont work.

You should really try to cherish these years.

Cherish them! Dont let them slip away! It goes so fast! These are the best years of your life! Fuck that noise. I do not cherish the diapers and the whining and the tantrums and the sleepless nights. I adore my kids, but I barely tolerate that other stuff, and I sure as hell have no patience for people who say stuff like, Aw, 2 is such FUN age.

If you hear a parent complaining, there are only three acceptable responses that won’t piss of a parent even more…

  1. Im sorry, that sucks.
  2. I totally understand.
  3. Here, have some wine.

Everything else is just word vomit.

Kate Meier has two kids and zero tolerance for people who criticize parents for bullshit reasons. Go enjoy her sarcastic sense of humor at her blog, My Kind of Parenting, or here on Facebook.

WHAT TO READ NEXT

Click for more funny parenting advice and follow me on FACEBOOK, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM or get occasional EMAILS about all my stuff.

JUST FOR PARENTS

[shop-page-wp category=’Just For Parents’]

3 comments on “7 Statements That Will Piss Off A Parent Who Is Venting

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: