Opinion

10 Quotes From My Daughter That Scare The Crap Out Of Me As A Father

Norah, my oldest daughter, is 6 going on 16. Raising a little girl has been a real learning experience for me.

I never thought that I would be one of those overly protective dads, but somehow I can feel that starting to happen.

The thing is, I love the hell out of Norah. I want the best for her. Sometimes she says things that really scare me.

Things that make me worried about her life as a teen and beyond.

Here are a few exact quotes from mydaughter that have me shaking.

Quotes From My Daughter That Scare The Crap Out Of Me

Norah: My face paint is so pretty. All the boys are going to be like, I want to marry you!
Me: (filled with rage): Lets have a quiet time.

Norah: When Im older, like 16, Im going to have a million babies.
Me: How do you feel about an all-girl high school?

Norah: You dont talk to a princess like that!
Me: I work in education and we live in a dried-up logging town. Were not royalty. Sorry. But I still love you.

Norah: All the boys at school are my boyfriends!
Me: Wait you mean they are boys that happen to be your friends.
Norah: No! I love all of them.

Norah: That moms shoes are really pretty!
Me: Those are Crocs. Lets talk about standards.

Norah: (speaking to boy at playground): I wont play with you unless you come sleep in my bed!
Me: Time to leave.

Norah: Someday, when I get married, my husband is going to have a really nice car and we are going to live in it!
Me: Lets talk about the importance of college.

Norah: That guys shirt has a pretty tree on it.
Me: Thats a pot leaf.
Norah: Whats that?
Me: Well talk about it later.

Norah: Tomorrow Im going to go to school naked! And all the boys will be like, Ha! Ha! Ha!
Me: (Speechless)

Norah: I love you daddy. Can I just live with you forever?
Me: (long exhale): That sounds OK.

When hes not saying insane things to his kid, Clint Edwardsswork has been featured on Good Morning America, The New York Times, The Washington PostandThe Huffington Post. Hes the author of the new bookThis Is Why We Cant Have Nice Things.

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Chris Illuminati is a freelance writer and published author. Follow him on Twitter (@chrisilluminati), Instagram (@messagewithabottle) or email him at cilluminati@gmail.com.

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