These are total dad moves, and while I haven’t done most, it’s only a matter of time. Because…
Ugh…
It’s unavoidable.
No man wants it to happen, it just happens.
Every man with a child morphs into a “dad” and you’re probably saying “yeah, that’s how it works, sh*thead” but I don’t mean like in a natural sense like “creating offspring” I mean every guy becomes the stereotypical dad.
You just wake up one morning and every radio is too loud and the thermostat becomes an obsession, you couldn’t stop telling dad jokes if you tried, and your clothes, well screw it, they’re just covers for your slowly developing dad bod.
Every father is guilty of total dad moves but it takes a real man to own up to the moves and an even bigger man to start a Twitter account called Total Dad Moves and tweet out all the dumb sh*t of a paternal nature.
Here are 20 of my favorite total dad moves from @shitdadsdo.
Cutting his sons hair with the same trimmers as he uses on his pubes #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) August 24, 2015
Somehow always being able to pin you down when wrestling despite his old age #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) September 1, 2015
Going out of his way to assure the safety of his car he let his son drive. #TDM pic.twitter.com/Ki3GDap49a Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) September 1, 2015
Charging the mound at a recreational softball game #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) August 4, 2015
Butt sweat #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) July 21, 2015
Throwing a casual two fingered wave from the golf cart steering wheel at every person he drives by at the local country club #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) July 16, 2015
Getting hyped as fuck when he whips his son off the tube while boating at the lake. #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) July 2, 2015
Yelling “I still got it!” after hitting a routine layup in a driveway pickup basketball game #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 12, 2015
Getting a black eye from falling down the stairs but telling everybody, “You should see the other guy” before they even ask. #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 12, 2015
Telling his kids they can’t eat at the ballpark because it’s “too expensive”, but not hesitating to buy several 9 dollar beers #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 27, 2015
Pulling a hammie while walking the bases after hitting a dinger in 4th of July cul-de-sac wiffle ball #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 9, 2015
Telling the family to step away from the fireworks you just lit while standing dangerously close taking a sip of your pabst blue ribbon #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 7, 2015
Having surprisingly defined calves for a 40 year old man #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 3, 2015
*Sees a foosball table*, claims he has not played in forever, yet proceeds to dominate his 5 year old son #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 27, 2015
*4 years after the release of Party Rock Anthem* “Son, I finally figured out what LMFAO means. You’re not gonna believe this” #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 21, 2015
Tells you everyday not to speed, but when your running a little late for church he becomes a NASCAR Driver #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 20, 2015
Chasing the kids around the house with a spider he squished in a wad of toilet paper #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 19, 2015
Making it loud and clear that he could out-perform the professionals on the field. #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 14, 2015
Stealing half your serving of fries to “make sure they aren’t poisoned.” #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 13, 2015
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 12, 2015
Check out even more Total Dad Moves here.
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