These are total dad moves, and while I haven’t done most, it’s only a matter of time. Because…
Ugh…
It’s f*cking unavoidable. No man wants it to happen, it just happens. Every man with a child morphs into a “dad” and you’re probably saying “yeah, that’s how itworks, sh*thead” but I don’t mean like in a natural sense like “creating offspring” I mean every dad becomesthe stereotypical dad.
You just wake up one morning and every radio is too loud and the thermostat becomes a hobby and an obsession and your clothes, f*ck it, they’re just covers for your slowly developing dad bod. Every father is guilty of total dad moves but it takes a real man to own up to the moves and an even bigger man to start a Twitter account called Total Dad Moves and tweet out all the dumb sh*t of a paternal nature.
Here are 20 of my favorite total dad moves from @shitdadsdo.
Cutting his sons hair with the same trimmers as he uses on his pubes #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) August 24, 2015
Somehow always being able to pin you down when wrestling despite his old age #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) September 1, 2015
Going out of his way to assure the safety of his car he let his son drive. #TDM pic.twitter.com/Ki3GDap49a Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) September 1, 2015
Charging the mound at a recreational softball game #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) August 4, 2015
Butt sweat #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) July 21, 2015
Throwing a casual two fingered wave from the golf cart steering wheel at every person he drives by at the local country club #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) July 16, 2015
Getting hyped as fuck when he whips his son off the tube while boating at the lake. #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) July 2, 2015
Yelling “I still got it!” after hitting a routine layup in a driveway pickup basketball game #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 12, 2015
Getting a black eye from falling down the stairs but telling everybody, “You should see the other guy” before they even ask. #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 12, 2015
Telling his kids they can’t eat at the ballpark because it’s “too expensive”, but not hesitating to buy several 9 dollar beers #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 27, 2015
Pulling a hammie while walking the bases after hitting a dinger in 4th of July cul-de-sac wiffle ball #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 9, 2015
Telling the family to step away from the fireworks you just lit while standing dangerously close taking a sip of your pabst blue ribbon #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 7, 2015
Having surprisingly defined calves for a 40 year old man #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) June 3, 2015
*Sees a foosball table*, claims he has not played in forever, yet proceeds to dominate his 5 year old son #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 27, 2015
*4 years after the release of Party Rock Anthem* “Son, I finally figured out what LMFAO means. You’re not gonna believe this” #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 21, 2015
Tells you everyday not to speed, but when your running a little late for church he becomes a NASCAR Driver #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 20, 2015
Chasing the kids around the house with a spider he squished in a wad of toilet paper #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 19, 2015
Making it loud and clear that he could out-perform the professionals on the field. #TDM
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 14, 2015
Stealing half your serving of fries to “make sure they aren’t poisoned.” #TDM Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 13, 2015
Total Dad Move (@ShitDadsDo) May 12, 2015
Check out even more Total Dad Moves here.
WHAT TO READ NEXT
- Best Parenting Websites & Blogs Every Mom And Dad Should Read
- Amazing! 75 Best Life Quotes To Share With Your Kids
- Best Men’s Websites Every Dad Should Read
- Best Websites To Buy Kids Toys Now That Toys R Us Is Gone
- Dad Websites Every Man Should Read At Least Once A Week
- Single Parent Resources: The Best Websites For Solo Mothers & Fathers
Click for more funny parenting advice and follow me on FACEBOOK, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM or get occasional EMAILS about all my stuff.
JUST FOR PARENTS
[shop-page-wp category=’Just For Parents’]
0 comments on “20 ‘Total Dad Moves’ I Haven’t Done Yet — But It’s Only A Matter Of Time”