Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest mom memes and tweets of the week.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny ass mommas.
Didn't realize my kid was a midwestern farmer in a past life until we drove by a cornfield and he muttered "sure is gettin' tall"
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 19, 2022
I just want to live as free as my husband who cracked his eyelids just enough from his slumber to tell me I would be late getting the kids to school and myself to work
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) July 18, 2022
him: what video do you keep watching, that song has been playing for the last five minutes
me, watching a lady pour buttery noodles into a vat of cream sauce on repeat: um, it’s porn
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 20, 2022
I thought I was a chill person until I witnessed my husband open a new gallon of milk when there was one already open.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 20, 2022
When school ended I was like "YES, no more making lunches for my kids!" and then they were like "we still need you to feed us lunch every day" and I was like WTF
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 7, 2022
Wedding vows should be updated to include, “Do you promise to love & cherish him when he continues to watch loud videos on his phone after you’ve asked him to turn it down?”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 20, 2022
I consider myself to be a very rational person but I also refuse to use the spoon rest because I don’t want it to get dirty
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 18, 2022
Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 20, 2022
Bring your kids to a tropical island so they can eat the local Cheetos and complain about sand and wind.
— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) July 20, 2022
i won’t tell anyone if i win the lottery, but there will be signs pic.twitter.com/1d5zRykO0j
— 🦇 cella 🦇 (@cellapaz) July 20, 2022
How do spell panache? I want to get this sext just right.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 20, 2022
Raise the roof? No thanks my home needs floor space not air space
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) July 14, 2022
Somehow I managed to make it out of the 90’s without a tramp stamp 🤯
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) July 21, 2022
My kid wanted to watch something scary, so I had her watch the cashier ring up our groceries.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 20, 2022
My daughter insisted her new preschool teacher’s name was Mr. Penis. We argued over it until one day we finally saw it in writing.
Ms. Derpanis. Her name was Ms. Derpanis.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 19, 2022
My daughter made blondie brownies and my son bit into one and said, "Thank you…. for teaching me what sadness tastes like" and if looks could kill, that little food critic would be dead
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) July 20, 2022
I just got so mad cause my favorite
pajamas weren't clean and then realized
I'm supposed to be doing that
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) July 19, 2022
Absolutely no one:
My 3yo: I'm gonna flatten you like a pancake and eat you.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) July 18, 2022
Him: I opened that to let the wine breathe.
Me: *stops chugging* but I can’t breathe without the wine so…
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 21, 2022
I’ve never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesn’t want to go to sleep
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) July 19, 2022