I don’t really have much to say this week so I’ll promote other stuff I’m doing when I’m not over on this website.
Do you want to hear me talk about running and fitness? You should listen to my podcast “We Run This.”
Do you want to hear me make jokes with professional wrestlers? You should listen to my podcast “Not About Wrestling.”
That’s all I’ve got.
Here are some of the funniest parenting tweets and memes from parents this week.
7: mom why can’t boys have babies?
me: they don’t have the right parts
7: oh. how does the baby get in there?
7: like with a wand?
me: sure, a wand of sorts
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 1, 2020
I like women put “daughter” to describe themselves on a dating profile.
Like, yeah, I know where babies come from..
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) September 29, 2020
I swear I haven’t been drinking, officer.
The tequila you smell is just my hand sanitizer.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) September 30, 2020
The best way to avoid an expensive divorce is by not getting married in the first place.
Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don’t want you to know.
— bacon popsicle 😂 (@Gupton68) October 1, 2020
My daughter wants to play a game where she’s a farmer and I’m her GIANT cow…
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 2, 2020
Currently paying to register my kid for a school 5K that we ALL know he's not gonna run
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) October 1, 2020
I’d like to say that I don’t have a favorite child, but I asked my kids what they’d like me to make for dinner and my 8yo said cereal.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 1, 2020
If you’re wondering what it’s like to be married with kids, my husband and I just got in an argument about which one of us takes poops at more inconvenient times for the family.
— 👻 Haunt the Nanny 👻 (@not_thenanny) October 2, 2020
Our schools just announced an in-person learning option starting in November and I haven't been this conflicted since I tried to decide if Ross and Rachel were on a break.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 2, 2020
I know we are in a pandemic but are we all still dragging furniture into some field for fall family photos?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 29, 2020
Me: What's wrong?
8-year-old: I have to write a whole paragraph for school.
Me: That's no so bad. I write entire books.
8: Yeah, but this has to be good.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2020
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I like to plan my day around food. . . . . . #dad #dadlife #dadjokes #dadbod #dads #dadsofinstagram #dadswithdaughters #parenting #parents #parentingmemes #parentinghacks #dadbodszn #fatherhood #mom #moms #momsofinstagram #hangry #parenthood #husband #husbandandwife #wife #boymom #girldad #funnydad #toddler #funnymemes #momlife #beer #food #hungry
I was gonna get dressed up for Halloween this year, but that involves getting dressed, so no.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) September 30, 2020