This week, the kids want to impale me with a toy, people have a huge issue with my grocery list, and I don’t have a hard copy of the rules.
Before you read this week’s notes, go back and check out all the notes you might have, probably, possibly missed.
- Parenting Tips #511-520
- Parenting Tips #521-530
- Parenting Tips #531-540
- Parenting Tips #541-550
- Parenting Tips #551-560
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Thank you. You’re a real peach.
Alright, let’s do this shit.
Parenting Tip #561
ME: “How about an apple?”
THEM: “How about a LEGO removal tool in your eardrum?!?”
Parenting Tip #562
Them: “Why can’t we?”
Me: “Those are the rules.”
Lawyer coming out of the closet: “Sir, I represent your children in this case. Can you please provide a hard copy of the rules?”
Me: (hides in shower)
Parenting Tip #563
This should be a game show.
Parenting Tip #564
Parenting Tip #565
Cashier: “Do you have any coupons or rainchecks?”
Me: “No, but I’ve got two things I’d like to trade. They’re currently in the cereal aisle snorting the Lucky Charms dust from the bottom of the box.”
(Editor’s Note – Check out the comments on this photo on Instagram. The number of people who took issue with the way I write out my shopping list was ALARMING.)
Parenting Tip #566
ME: “People didn’t have cell phones. We made phone calls by paying quarters.”
KIDS: “Did the phones play YouTube?”
ME: (leaves room)
Parenting Tip #567
Parenting Tip #568
This is why I don’t own my own business.
Parenting Tip #569
Next time, I’m going to slip the guy at the Genius Bar a $20 and say just agree with everything I say.
Parenting Tip #570
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