Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
***
Told my daughters I was proud of them for doing morning yoga and my 9 y/o said I should do the chair pose with them because “you’re really good at sitting in chairs, Daddy.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 3, 2024
I baked some cookies to bribe my 9yo to do his winter school project but now he’s eating the cookies while I do the project if you’re wondering who’s the mastermind around here.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) January 4, 2024
I told my body we need to get a full nights sleep tonight and then we laughed and laughed and laughed.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) January 4, 2024
I wish I was my own worst enemy. That guy is a dumbass
— Nostradadmus (@bigpoppadrunk) January 2, 2024
9yo: What’s a New Year’s resolution?
Me: A change you want to make for the new year. Like reading more or spending less time on the iPad.
9yo: Oh OK! My New Year’s resolution will be to spend less time at school.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 1, 2024
I'm creating an "OnlyDans," where Dans get together to complain about being called "Dan the man, Daniel-san" and "Danny Boy" our whole lives.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) January 4, 2024
I tried to open my garage door with my work badge so yea it’s been that kind of morning already.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) January 4, 2024
Me: Ok, the kids are playing together quietly, I have the recipes, and I've left myself plenty of time. I may just be able to make the family dinner in a leisurely and relaxing manner…
Large Spider I'm About To Find In My Pantry: THE F— YOU ARE!!
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) January 4, 2024
Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 2, 2024
Today my son told me that I am 'better than bacon' which I think is a level all parents can really hope to aspire to
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) January 3, 2024
welcome to your 40's, you use your blinker when going around a curve now.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 4, 2024
I get you, Apple Watch battery. I drain quickly without explanation, too.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 4, 2024
I didn't sleep enough over the last few days, which is my problem
But now that I'm tired and grumpy, I'm going to make it everyone's problem
— Big, Bad Caffeinated Dad 🇳🇿 ☕ (@Cafeinated_Dad) January 2, 2024
There is a special species of bird that is really good at holding stuff together.
They are called velcrows.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) January 3, 2024
I used my kids' bathroom and the seat was completely broken. I asked them how long it has been like that, and the both told me "this is the first time that's happened" like I didn't use the same ridiculous excuse when my parents asked me questions like that when I was a kid.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 3, 2024
Don’t wish me Happy New Year and then give me a bunch of work to do, Bob
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 4, 2024
0 comments on “35 Funniest Dad Jokes + Memes This Week”