Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest mom memes and tweets of the week.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny ass mommas.
Whenever I take my kids to the zoo I think this is exactly where they belong.
— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) July 13, 2022
I was gonna go to the gym this morning but it turns out I’d rather do anything else than go to the gym this morning.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 13, 2022
Me: If you keep up with that attitude you're gonna find it gets adjusted. Quickly.
6yo: Yeah, well, where do you think I get it from?!
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) July 13, 2022
No joke, one of our new neighbors just stopped by to give us contact info for a window covering company.
… they’re over my naked ass already 💀
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) July 7, 2022
My 9 y/o niece was looking at pictures on my phone when she said, "What's dicks?" I completely panicked and grabbed my phone.
It was an email from Dick's Sporting Goods, their sale ends today if anyone is interested.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) July 13, 2022
When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) July 12, 2022
Husband: Do you want some ice cream?
Me: I’m not very hungry. Maybe just a bite. *eats half the container while he’s getting bowls*
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 13, 2022
My husband didn’t know it was Amazon Prime Day yesterday but he’ll find out soon enough.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 13, 2022
Any tattoo can be a tramp stamp if you’re slutty enough.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) July 11, 2022
When I’m upset and someone says “it’s understandable” I think they agree I should feel bad so I feel worse
my therapist: I wasn’t trained for this twist
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) July 13, 2022
being gen x means finally embracing trends just as they go out of style
— 🦇 cella 🦇 (@cellapaz) July 12, 2022
I’m calling bullshit on any product that claims it will keep my child “busy for hours!” unless it allows her to ride a real-life unicorn while swimming through an Olympic size pool of sprinkles and then being served pasta by Pikachu.
Even then, I’m skeptical.
— Marissa 💚💛 (@michimama75) July 12, 2022
5: Three leaf clovers are lucky
Me: That’s four leaf clovers
5: That would be silly, four leaf clovers are too hard to find and then no one would be lucky
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) July 13, 2022
If you clean up after kids, you’ll find the astronauts missing from the spaceship are in the Barbie truck with Skye from Paw Patrol.
When you go to put Skye back, you find the missing toy vacuum attachment. But you can’t put that back where it goes because
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) July 13, 2022
Summer vacation with my kids is just me asking, “Have you brushed your teeth today?”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 12, 2022
My daughter says shit like, “I’ll clean it up later no cap” and my husband’s working from home saying, “let’s put a pin in that, take this conversation offline and circle back later” and I’m over here with my 90 IQ like, why y’all gotta remix a language I already sucked at?
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) July 8, 2022
BREAKING: Mom sneakily throws kid’s crappy old toy away and KID ACTUALLY ASKS WHERE IT IS WEEKS LATER. Could it happen to you? Story at 11.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 13, 2022
forget romantic dates i just want to hate-watch people buy houses on tv
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 12, 2022
My six year old read a whole joke book to me twice last night and somehow I don't feel any funnier
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) July 13, 2022
One day you’re young and cool, the next you’re watching an ad come on the gym TV like oh hey that’s my mouthwash
— meghan (@deloisivete) July 13, 2022