Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest mom memes and tweets of the week.
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Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
My 2yo laid down on the floor of the IKEA for 15 minutes. It looked like she was having a silent tantrum, but when I finally went to fetch her, she explained that she was "being a kitty."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 14, 2022
I'm sorry I'm late, my 3yo decided his shirt was too blue.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) August 17, 2022
Going to the bathroom is so exciting as a mom because there’s a 10% chance of peace and a 90% chance my kids will start a war with each other and the house is on the brink of being burned to the ground
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) August 12, 2022
My son forgot he needed a new spiral notebook for today & is annoyed I don’t have one like, sorry our house didn’t magically turn into a Staples last night.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 16, 2022
Despite what they tell you, my kids love playing the games I make up, like “where did mommy put her keys this time” and “who can spot mommy’s cell phone”
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 17, 2022
my six year old daughter: what if someone filled a gatorade bottle with blood and drank it?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 17, 2022
So excited for my kids to return to school so I can spend my free time reading the 50 emails their school sends each day
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) August 15, 2022
Found this by the road. All I know is Jackson & Logan’s first birthday was lit. pic.twitter.com/PopMNC3ewq
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 15, 2022
“It’s about a mouse who wants to have sex with a Princess”
– my 10 yr old’s review of The Tale of Despereaux
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) August 15, 2022
A disappointment rating service, call it Welp
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) August 17, 2022
7: Mom can I tell you the longest dream I had?
Me: Why don’t you write it down so I can absorb it? But first tell Dad.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 16, 2022
Moms have an amazing superpower: we can speak at full volume without anyone hearing us.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 17, 2022
My kid is naming his pebble collection, so far he's come up with crusher and…potato
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 17, 2022
Every sitcom: So you know how in your late twenties and early 30s, you have this close group of friends that just kind of hangs out at each other’s houses all the time?
Teenage me: definitely.
30s me: Wait, what
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 12, 2022
Tuesday is statistically the most stressful day of the week I tell myself, and making up statistics cures stress in 89% of cases I then tell myself
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) August 16, 2022
This morning my therapist said more people need to do things without expecting anything in return, so I left without paying her.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 12, 2022
My 7yo told us she had a dream that she came downstairs late last night and saw us eating cake and omg I can’t believe that actually worked
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 15, 2022
My twins poured paint all over the kitchen floor and when I asked why my boy twin took my hand, looked me in the eye and said “I literally don’t know mummy”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 17, 2022
Run of shame, but it's just me chasing my kid to the bus stop with no bra on because he forgot his lunch
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) August 17, 2022
My passport came in the mail today and just knowing that I could flee the country if I needed to, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) August 17, 2022
“I love you more than alone time but I also really love my alone time”
– my 13yo to his 6yo sister, but also, nailing the very essence of motherhood
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 17, 2022