Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest mom memes and tweets of the week.
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Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
Me: So happy the kids are finally in school. I def needed a rest after summer break
Flu: not so fast bitch
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) August 24, 2022
I was having a good day until my son opened up his backpack & handed me a fundraiser envelope.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 16, 2022
Today we mourn the loss of a mother who died while valiantly trying to find boxes of exactly 200 tissues, 12 erasers, and a yellow two pocket plastic folder without holes
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) August 24, 2022
6: mom are we made of meat?
me: wtf…can i have my coffee first please
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 25, 2022
It’s amazing how horrible my kids are at hide and seek, and how great they are at disappearing when it’s time for bed
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) August 24, 2022
Whomever said “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” never met a toddler who wants to do it themself
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 25, 2022
Just heard someone pronounce something so wrong but with so much confidence that it has me questioning everything I know to be true in life
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) August 24, 2022
we can’t all have panic attacks on the same day, we need to take turns
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) August 22, 2022
My friend asked if my twins wanted to come over for a play date so I told her they just need 3 fights and 4 hours to get their shoes on and we’ll be right over.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 24, 2022
Me: Time to wake up kiddo.
6yo: Stop that talking!!
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) August 25, 2022
Nobody is more worried about my 7yo walking home alone from school than her boomer grandmother, who made 5yo me walk home alone from school.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 24, 2022
My hips don’t lie, but damn these tits be gettin’ me in trouble
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) August 23, 2022
Coffee mugs that say "I'll sleep when I'm dead" should be handed out to parents the day their kids are born
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) August 18, 2022
My kids were complaining they couldn’t find a tv programme to watch so I told them how little choice there was when I was a kid and 5 rolled her eyes and said “things have changed in the last 100 years mummy” and went back to scrolling
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 23, 2022
Some days I think I’m raising geniuses, some days my kids say things like “that dog looks a lot like that other dog” when they see a reflection of a dog in the window
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 24, 2022
Establish dominance by asking your spouse what they want for dinner first thing in the morning.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 23, 2022
Let's be real here: I don't like, "believe" in horoscopes, but obviously I read at least a dozen each day just in case
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) August 22, 2022
Me, to my 2yo who has brought a fisher price fishing rod to dinner table: I’m not sure we should be bringing fishing rods to the dinner table.
My 2yo: No but I have to
2yo, successfully catching and pulling my husbands cup of sparkling water to him: to catch things.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 24, 2022
dramatically sweeps everything off the table and rolls out the school pickup diagrams
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 23, 2022
Men will be like “women are such a mystery” while walking past the basket that has been strategically placed at the bottom of the stairs for the 80th time.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 24, 2022