Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest mom memes and tweets of the week.
Before we begin, a quick favor – please subscribe to my YouTube channel. Muchas gracias.
Random observation – after years of doing these parenting meme posts, I’ve realized that 90% of moms are anxious about life and 90% of dads are anxious to mow the lawn.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
I love how obvious it is that I’m great at limiting my kids’ screen time.
Just the other day I was recording my son doing something cute on the playground and he said, “Thanks for watching! Be sure to subscribe to my videos!”
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) September 1, 2022
For the first day of school pickup, I threw away the snack wrappers from the backseat but I didn’t vacuum. Couldn’t set the bar too high for the rest of the year.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 31, 2022
NOBODY is more full of shit than my socially anxious ass telling my kid he’s gonna have so much fun making new friends at school this year
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) August 25, 2022
There are two types of people, those who pronounce sixth sense “sicksense” and those who pause in the middle
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) August 29, 2022
When I see a couple having a romantic dinner I think either they just met or they’re a buncha fakers.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 31, 2022
And the Oscar goes to my 6yo who proclaimed he "would just die" if he didn't get a donut.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) August 30, 2022
My 10yo thinks OG stands for "old guy."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) August 30, 2022
Got my bikini area lasered and all I could think the whole time was, ‘I hope she thinks my vagina is pretty’.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) August 30, 2022
I’m worried about my mil. She’s becoming forgetful. Like, she’s always forgetting I’m cool as fuck
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) September 1, 2022
I'm not saying that I'm scared of my teen, I'm just saying that she might need an exorcism
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) August 31, 2022
My kids were complaining they couldn’t find a tv programme to watch so I told them how little choice there was when I was a kid and 5 rolled her eyes and said “things have changed in the last 100 years mummy” and went back to scrolling
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 23, 2022
my son wanted to play video games but I made him chat with me instead so he opened with “you and daddy have only had sex twice right?” and I folded like a cheap suit
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) August 30, 2022
my entire wardrobe has been waiting for me to finally start working from home, my sweatpants are rejoicing, the soft tops and sweatshirts weep
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 30, 2022
I hate when people say ridiculous things like “license and registration please.”
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 31, 2022
There's sick and there's "throw away your underwear" sick
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) August 31, 2022
My 2yo literally told me what he wanted for dinner (hot dogs, tomatoes, grapes) went w me to the store to get it, scanned it at self check out BY HIMSELF, cut up the grapes, tomatoes and hot dog with his toddler knife, put it all on his own plate and then…refused to eat dinner.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) August 30, 2022
The kindergarten people are so short
-my kid, after one day of being a first grader
— meghan (@deloisivete) August 26, 2022
Me: Of course you can sleep in my bed. I want you to feel comforted and safe.
Toddler: Cool. Here’s a foot to the face.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 31, 2022
Me: Can you go tell your brother that dinner is ready?
Son: *standing one inch from my ear* DINNER IS READY!
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 31, 2022
My biggest disappointment giving birth was that the nurse didn’t raise my baby into the air and sing the Circle of Life as she handed her to me
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 1, 2022