Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest mom memes and tweets of the week.
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Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
My parents got a comprehensive background check of their dog sitter.
The most they could tell me about my childhood babysitter was that her first name was Stacy. Or Tracy. Or was it Debra?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 20, 2022
my kid just watched part 1 of a 2-part video where the lesson was not to watch too much tv
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) September 20, 2022
Staying in a hotel room as a couple when dating: *Up all night
Staying in a hotel room after years of marriage: “These are nice pillows!” *Checks tag to determine what brand they are
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) September 17, 2022
4yo: (on his iPad) I hate all the ass in this video!
Me: Um, you hate what?
4: The ass. Too many ass
Me: What are you watching?!
10yo: Ads mom. He’s saying ads
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) September 17, 2022
No parenting book prepared us for the amount of unballing socks and removing rolled up underwear in pants. That’s the secret underground parenting stuff no one talks about.
— Modern_MomProbs (@Modern_MomProbs) September 16, 2022
Wonder if rubbermaid gets mad every time we call it tupperware like an ex we haven’t gotten over
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) September 21, 2022
My kid sure has a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone who’s only been around for 4 years
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 20, 2022
My six year old picked up a sweet potato fry and said, "Oh, I am going to eat these fries because I like all kinds of fries, even these disgusting ones!"
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) September 21, 2022
The bad news is that some days in your life will be really overwhelming, stressful, and an absolute train wreck. The worse news is that this is pretty much every day in parenting
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 18, 2022
My daughter's teacher just sent me a glowing email about what a pleasure she is in the classroom, and I'm half tempted to forward it to my son's teacher, just so I can prove the problem isn't me.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 20, 2022
I’m gonna open up a bra store and call it the rack shack.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 21, 2022
I wish my kids loved me like you do.
-me to my coffee
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) September 20, 2022
Sometimes my husband and I sit at Starbucks and try to guess who has someone locked in their basement.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) September 19, 2022
Do I make things weird? Yes.
But, do I make things awkward? Also yes.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) September 21, 2022
AC set to 66 with the seat heater on in 90 degree weather pic.twitter.com/XMSJNXN3yo
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) September 19, 2022
My kid stepped on a dying rat and didn’t even blink but I put mushrooms in her soup and she’s been screaming ever since
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 21, 2022
Getting a treadmill changed my life I don’t even remember where I put my laundry before
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 18, 2022
My teens and I like to play this game where I try to be an awesome parent and they tell me that I'm the worst mom EVER.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) September 21, 2022
10 went on a 3-day school trip today and I packed his harmonica and recorder as a surprise for all his friends and teachers to enjoy
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 20, 2022
Me: Tomorrow is picture day. It helps to think of a funny word so you can give the camera a nice big smile. What funny word will you think of?
Me: That’ll do it.
— Mom Meh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) September 20, 2022
“I know it takes an egg and sperm to make a baby, but how do they mix together?”
– My 7yo, right before I received that urgent phone call
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 21, 2022
did you know if you eat peanut butter and chocolate chips on celery it tastes exactly like wishing you just ate a damn cookie instead
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 20, 2022
I hate stories that are like "can you believe she ran a marathon PREGNANT? Girl power!" No, I can't believe it. I don't believe pregnant people should do anything. Pregnant people should have a secret room where they lie down all day and watch tv while men pick up their slack.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 21, 2022
My husband walked out the door with all the kids & said, “We’ll be back in a little bit.”
So miracles do happen.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 22, 2022