It’s the Friday of Labor Day weekend and I forgot this is a three day weekend.
Normally, on the Friday before a summer holiday, I’d say things like “we have two BBQs to go to, we’re going to a pool, and I didn’t go food shopping yet so we’re having ice cream for every meal” and now I’m like “We need to stock up on rubber gloves and bleach before school starts.”
We found out this week that the kids won’t have a hybrid schedule. They’re all remote until November 2nd.
One part of me is slightly relieved and the other part of me is in a slight panic.
Welcome to parenting.
Here are some of the funniest parenting tweets and memes from parents this week.
How are you supposed to trust “math” when you can gain 5 pounds from eating one quarter pounder.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 3, 2020
It's just like the old saying goes… the family that plays games together – doesn't speak to each other for the rest of the night
— Divergent Mama (@divergentmama) September 3, 2020
My wife still brings up that one time I took a nap in 2015 while she was in labor
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 4, 2020
The Rock announced that he, his wife, and their 2 daughters have recovered from Covid. They first suspected they had it when no one could smell what he was cooking.
— cobra kai (@kaichoyce) September 3, 2020
People who actually put the lawn chair back into the nifty storage bag, what’s it like to be so extra?
— Go Ask Your Dad (@_goaskyourdad_) August 31, 2020
8-year-old: I like apples.
Me: I can get you one.
8: Not to eat, just the idea of them.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 3, 2020
*joins dating app to look for dudes to help me move*
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) September 4, 2020
I’m homeschooling this year, and the curriculum I’m using has materials on backorder, some I’ll need this semester, so I’m having to wing it.
Can you imagine spending money to teach kids and not having all the stuff you need and then having to pay out of pocket for wait a minute
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) September 3, 2020
Me: Kids, always remember that anything is possible.
Kids: Will you swim with us at the bbq?
Me: Except that.
— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) September 4, 2020
I dreamt of a lot of things that would happen when I was a mother one day.
My toddler waking me up to tell me “the floor is wet from my pee but don’t worry, I cleaned it with a pillow” was not on that list. Parenting is full of surprises y’all.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) August 15, 2020
It’s fucking exhausting being this pleasant to assholes for 7.25 hours a day.
— The Ⓒⓛⓤⓔⓛⓔⓢⓢ One (@weezie76) September 3, 2020
Everything can be an argument if you believe in yourself.
– My kids probably
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 3, 2020
One difficult aspect of a new school year is learning your students’ names. I’m like, “What’s your name again?” And he’s like, “It’s Tyler, Mom.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 3, 2020
*5 yo on her kindergarten Zoom class*
Teacher: "So what do you do before joining our Zoom class?"
5yo: "My mommy hits me and says 'do good!"
Me, no make-up, bagel crumbs on my face, unexpectedly joining the Zoom class: "SHE MEANS I HIGH FIVE HER HAND!!!"
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) September 3, 2020
Being a mom means asking your kids 5491 times to pick up their toys and then finally turning on the vacuum to motivate them.
— Lessons from the Minivan (@FromMinivan) September 3, 2020
Every time I tell my daughter I love her, she responds with, “I love daddy,” which is toddler speak for go fuck yourself, mama. Hashtag blessed.
— Mommy Uncensored (@amomuncensored) August 29, 2020
Is Running Every Day Bad For You?
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