This week, I’m going to change up the beginning of these posts. It won’t be the usual stories about me being an inept father.
Nope, I didn’t suddenly become a better dad, I just had the pleasure of interviewing one.
Please go check out my interview with Kolt Codner. He ran a marathon around a hospital to raise money for the facility caring for his young son with B-cell acute lymphoblastic leukemia.
It’s a great story and Kolt is a solid dude.
As a reward, here are some of the funniest parenting tweets and memes from parents this week.
[cleaning up candy]
Me: There's a Nerd in my shoe.
Wife: There's a nerd in both of your shoes.
I don't deserve this.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2020
My 2yo just said ‘I love you’ to her pizza so there’s absolutely no doubt that she’s my daughter
— Lottie-pop (@Lottie_Poppie) November 11, 2020
14yo daughter: Dad, what does fashionably late mean?
Me: It means you really don’t want to go but feel obligated to make an appearance so no one’s feelings get hurt.
14 yo: I’m going to be fashionably late to math class.
— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) November 20, 2020
Sorry I’m late, my toddler declared independence.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 20, 2020
My kids are only in school two days a week, which is like my new weekend.
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) November 18, 2020
Me: Stop playing with your penis.
3yo: I’m not playing with it!
Me: You’re literally playing with it now & have been for the last 5 minutes.
3: (Loud raucous laughter)
(30 min. later)
Me: Hey, quit playing with your penis!
3: I will NEVER!! (runs away grabbing penis)
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) November 20, 2020
If asking someone a question and then talking right through their response was an Olympic sport, my 11yo would absolutely take the gold.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 19, 2020
The worst part of having kids is doing all the math you never thought you’d see again.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) November 20, 2020
I never thought my sons second grade teacher would see me via laptop in pjs trudging across my living room to go make coffee. I hate living in the future.
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 18, 2020
I tried to label a carton of milk for my son’s school this morning. I successfully wrote “milk” on it.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 18, 2020
I envy millennials for having the easiest Thanksgiving travel to their mom’s living room right from their mom’s basement
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 20, 2020
Just go ahead and get the goldfish colored upholstery for the minivan
— ❤️Jar Jar Drinks🤙 (@HushJared) November 20, 2020
When I tell you that I accidentally ate the entire box of chocolate, I am not asking for your opinion on my use of the word accidental
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 20, 2020
Sorry can't, after 9pm Jim Beam makes my decisions for me.
— Just Heather 🖤 (@weedswildflowrs) November 19, 2020
My daughter just tried to be smooth by playing the “who farted” game. She was in a room by herself. On the opposite side of the house. Way to out yourself, sweetie.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 20, 2020
I showed my husband a list of home improvement projects we could start this weekend, and after looking it over, he decided to stay in a hotel.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 20, 2020
You look like someone who’s googled if you should eat the bay leaf.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) November 19, 2020
Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it's written on before Thanksgiving.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 19, 2020
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