Did you ever notice that most conversations with other parents start with disbelief about the calendar date?
“Can you believe it’s already November?”
“Can you believe it’s almost Thanksgiving?”
“Can you believe we already have to set the clocks back?”
“Can you believe Xmas is almost here?”
“Can you believe it’s not the 1990s anymore?”
Meanwhile, for the 14 hours we’re awake, parents wonder “when the !@#$# is this day going to end?!?!”
We’re never happy.
Anyway, here are some of the funniest parenting tweets and memes from parents this week.
Me: Why is there toothpaste on the wall?
6-year-old: I was brushing my teeth.
Me: But why is it on the wall?
6: I just explained it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 12, 2020
I bought this really cool science kit at the grocery store that teaches you about growing mold in two days, also known as strawberries.
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) November 13, 2020
4 calls 11 “Darth Brother” when he’s giving me too much attitude and it actually gets him to stop. It’s amazing cause she’s 38 years younger than me and already way better at this whole parenting thing.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 13, 2020
I hear a crash and two kids hysterically crying and I chuckle to myself because I told them five times this would happen if they played rough and I console them and shake my head because in ten mins they’ll forget and hurt themselves again
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 13, 2020
you can tell I’m an adult because I iron my clothes. with my hair straightener. usually while wearing.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 12, 2020
If you’re not responding with, “Is it up your butt?” when your kid is looking for something are you even trying as a parent?
— your other turkey mom (@difficultpatty) November 12, 2020
Toddlers are great until they realize they can take their diapers off and that poop can be art.
— Just Heather 🖤 (@weedswildflowrs) November 12, 2020
I can’t imagine being a medical professional with anxiety right now. I start thinking that I have COVID if I fart funny, and I’m just some anxious moron who doesn’t even have to see people.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) November 12, 2020
My 4yo just interrupted my important phone call to let me know what a good job she was doing not interrupting my important phone call.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 12, 2020
I’ve done the math. 87 fun-sized candies equals one regular-sized candy. You can trust me. I’ve taken algebra 3 times.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 12, 2020
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of that pub crawl we got invited to you can make a dinner they will hate while I walk around the house turning off lights.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 11, 2020
Me: Hey good morning did you know that bananas are considered bad luck on boats?
Wife: good christ I can't stand being locked in the same house with you any more
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 13, 2020
Sometimes I feel like I'm finally an adult and then I get knocked back into reality when I laugh at car commercials that say "super duty"
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) November 13, 2020
*on the playground, where a kindergartner is shrieking for seemingly no reason*
4yo: Daddy, why is that big boy screaming?
Me: I don't know, sweetie, maybe he likes doing that
4yo: I don't like it. It hurts my ears
That kid's dad: *overhearing* Yeah, you're not alone there
— QuaranTWIN Dad (@DadisGrumpy) November 11, 2020