Sometimes when I’m rounding up these tweets and memes I think to myself “Is every parent hilarious or do our frustrating kids make us funnier?”
Then I thought about the parents I know who aren’t funny at all. Their kids seem normal and well adjusted.
There’s a connection there that I’m too lazy to make.
Here are the funniest tweets, memes, jokes, and observations from parents this week.
If you know a funny parent I should check out on Twitter or Instagram, drop their name in the comments.
I’m not saying my life is hell but my kid did just tell Alexa to replay Cotton Eye Joe for the third time
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) June 17, 2021
Things that give me anxiety as an OCD parent
• Putting stickers on toys
• Mixed Play-Doh
• Cutting projects of any kind
• Watching my kids color anything
• Stepping into their bathroom
• Living with with them
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) June 17, 2021
I have the day off but so do the kids which is why I'm heading to work
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 18, 2021
I told my mum my wife's age and she thought my wife was younger than me. My own mother doesn't even know my age.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) June 17, 2021
Today the librarian informed me I had a 20 year old fine for $2.25 that had to be paid or my kids couldn’t participate in my hometown’s summer reading program (just like I had as a kid.)
Nobody … I mean absolutely nobody holds a grudge like your local public library.
— The Spicy Disaster Mama (@spicydisasterma) June 10, 2021
Me: did you brush your teeth?
Me: your toothbrush is completely dry
Son: oh you mean today?
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) June 16, 2021
What if we’re born crying because reincarnation is real and we already know what we’re in for?
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) June 17, 2021
[Daughter, 12, reading summer camp rules]
“Girls — no white T-shirts. No two-piece swimsuits. Shorts over bathing suits at lake attractions.”
“Where are the boys’ rules?”
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 16, 2021
My husband insists on going on runs with me, then runs too fast for me to keep up with him, talks to me while I’m wearing earphones, and then announces he is done about halfway through, leaving me to run the rest of the way energy expended and nerves fried. Is this flirting?
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) June 18, 2021
Normalize laundry folding during virtual meetings, we’ve all got shit to do
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 14, 2021
I was in the mall and overheard a dad say to his little girl,
“You can have 2 now or 6 in the car.”
The kid thought for a minute and then said “Can I have 4 now?” and I’m pretty sure she’ll grow up to be a CFO.
— Gila Pfeffer (@Gilapfeffer) June 15, 2021
It takes an entire village’s scotch tape to raise a child
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 18, 2021
Been through a divorce, pushed out 2 babies, horrible kidney stones & surgery, countless mammograms, a needle biopsy and titanium marker put in and more pelvic exams than I can count. But you know what gets me? The damn things they put in your mouth for X-rays at the dentist.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) June 16, 2021
You sneeze once, I'm going to bless you. You sneeze twice, I'm going to bless you but sound annoyed. You sneeze again, I'm going to bless you but yell it at you. Every sneeze following is subject to a "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU" til you either stop or I throw you out.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) June 17, 2021
Bungee jumping? No thanks, when I want to live dangerously I'll pause for two seconds when my wife asks if her new shirt looks good.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) June 17, 2021
6: dad when will you die?
me: um. hopefully not soon.
6: well. i REALLY want your snacks you keep for yourself.
i'm not safe here anymore.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 16, 2021
my four year old telling me she’s hungry while she eats is watching my whole personality come to life
— That Mom Tho 🏳️🌈 (@mom_tho) June 17, 2021
Whoever came up with the phrase “it’s better to regret something you did, rather than something you didn’t do” sure as shit never bought their 4 year old a whistle
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) June 17, 2021
The fact that Cinderella’s shoes were called slippers when clearly they are pumps is why I have trust issues
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) June 17, 2021
Over the weekend I drove 45 minutes away so my son could ride his bike on a real BMX track. He made one pass down the least challenging set of hills, took off his helmet, and said, "well, that was easy. let's go home."
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 16, 2021
The longer the story, the more money your teen is going to ask you for
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 18, 2021
Being a mom is weird…like I’d kill someone for my kids but I refuse to watch their fucking TikTok’s.
— V (@V32951124) June 18, 2021
Watching my family walk past the garbage they leave all over the floor is my Joker origin story
— yelisaSwizzy (@motherplaylist) June 13, 2021
Told my family what I really wanted is for us to all go out for breakfast….At 6 A.M.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 18, 2021
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