Just The Notes

Funny Parenting Advice: 400+ Notes Of Wisdom Every New Parent Should Read


Here’s some honest, real and funny parenting advice for those moments when it seems impossible to laugh and all new parents want to do is cry.


One of the questions I’m asked at least once a week is “got any funny parenting advice for new moms and dads?”

My first reaction is to laugh and respond “yes, say goodbye to your life!” but that always seems so cruel.

But seriously HAHAHA their life is over.

I’m honestly not sure of the reason I’m asked so frequently for advice for new parents.

Sure, I’ve got two kids, chronicle my experiences as a parent on this website and I’ve even written a book for new dads but I’m not sure if I’m in the position just yet to give advice.

Honestly, I don’t know if any parent can really give advice. Here’s why — every kid is different. EXTREMELY DIFFERENT.

So, while I can’t give specific and practical advice to new parents, I can offer them (I mean WARN THEM) about many of the issues coming down the line.

All 700+ of these parenting tips could be considered funny parenting advice for new parents.

But just a warning — “do as I say and not as I screwed up.”

Hopefully, new and veteran parents will find some of the advice in these notes helpful. If not, you’re on your own.

Honestly, when it comes to parenting, you’re always on your own! But that’s half the fun.

The other half is snickering when people ask for advice.

Funny Parenting Advice About Newborns The First 12 Months


Want some honest but funny parenting advice about newborns? Here goes. You’re going to feel like you don’t know what the hell you’re doing and that’s OK.

I had absolutely no idea what the hell I was doing.

Funny Parenting Advice About Toddlers & Preschoolers The First Few Years


Want some honest but funny parenting advice about toddlers and preschoolers?

I feel Jerry Seinfeld said it best in his funny quote on parenting Having a 2-year-old is like owning a blender that you don’t have a top for.


Here’s more honest and funny parenting advice about raising topless blenders.

Sorry. I meant toddlers.

Read more Funny Parenting Advice About Toddlers & Preschoolers The First Few Years

Honest & Real Parenting Advice About Raising Young Kids

Here’s some honest and funny parenting advice about raising young kids.

Raising young kids is much like playing golf.

A golfer can take 100 bad swings, and when all hope is lost, he nails that one perfect shot. This gets him through the next 100 awful shots.

The same rule applies to a parent. A parent can make countless mistakes and the kids can be intolerable.

Until that one moment that makes it all worthwhile.

Another similarity between parenting and golf there’s a ton of cursing involved.

Real Parenting Advice Every Mom & Dad Will Appreciate

If you’re looking for real parenting advice on raising kids, well, you’ve possibly come to the right place.

While Id never tells a person how to be a better parent there are books and videos that would do a much better job I will share my own experiences in parenting.

If any of this funny parenting advice makes parenting a little easier, I’ve done my job.

At the very least, it will make you laugh. Usually at me, and not with me.

Funny Celebrity Quotes About Parenting

Here is the great thing about all these parenting quotes from famous people they prove you’re not alone.

They also prove even rich people have kid issues.

You know those moments when you think I have to be the only parent who has gone through this stuff?

Well, NOPE! You’re not the first and you certainly won’t be the last.

parenting note #357

parenting note #353




Parenting Tip #387 Be A Good Parent To ALL Kids
Parenting Tip #388 Focus On The Good
Parenting Tip #389 Moms & Dads Share The Good Things About Being A Parent
Parenting Tip #390 Ugh, Public Bathrooms
Parenting Tip #391 Seriously, Get Ready For Toilet Humor
Parenting Tip #392 Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
Parenting Tip #393 Stepping On LEGOs Is Painful & Unavoidable
Parenting Tip #394 Stock Up On Everything
Parenting Tips #395 #400
Parenting Tips #401-410
Parenting Tips #411-420
Parenting Tips #421-430


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Chris Illuminati is a freelance writer and published author. Follow him on Twitter (@chrisilluminati), Instagram (@messagewithabottle) or email him at cilluminati@gmail.com.

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