Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
Enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
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I know I’m not supposed to laugh, but it will never not be funny when my tiny, 27-pound 3yo smacks the absolute shit out of his older brother.
— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) January 24, 2024
My toddler was sent home from daycare for excessively crying and now I’m watching him while also trying to work and also excessively crying
— The Mom Hack (@TheMomHack) January 24, 2024
As a Millennial, I want Boomers to understand it's not that we can't call people. We can! But when you give us a number and tell us to just call, we can't do that. We need to pre-game the call with an email or text to make the call. We don't know why but we do.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) January 24, 2024
Me: AS A GREAT PHILOSOPHER ONCE SAID-
*quotes .38 Special*
— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) January 15, 2024
I told my son to go take a shower and he said, while hugging our dog, "I am going to SHOWER Honey in kisses"
— nice things I say to myself (@meantomyself) January 24, 2024
All I've done for most of adulthood is drink wine and eat poorly and I'm still in terrible shape this is bullshit
— Helleanor Rigby (@Mom_Overboard) January 24, 2024
My 10yo asked what the point of a phonebook was and as I explained it the room transformed into a prehistoric scene and a pterodactyl flew overhead.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 18, 2024
i’m a late bloomer which means i say happy new year until at least mid-march
— nika (@nikalamity) January 25, 2024
Do that thing I like.
Husband gets out of bed and I have it ALL to myself.
— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) January 25, 2024
Me: “It’s almost impossible to lose weight after the age of 40”
Also me: Does absolutely nothing that would lead to losing even one single pound
— Sam G (@ItsSamG) January 25, 2024
When we dream about winning the lottery, I’m getting a house cleaner and my husband is getting a boat, proving he’s the fun one in this relationship.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) January 25, 2024
Why are people throwing hot dogs down hallways in the first place?
— Kelly (@kelly__le) January 25, 2024
I gave up the cream in my morning coffee because it's less fattening and leaves more room for the booze.
— Emma Beasley🐝 (@JustBeingEmma) January 25, 2024
I’m getting a haircut and then have a day full of meetings, what could go wrong
— meghan (@deloisivete) January 24, 2024
My toddler is sick and the only doctor's appointment I could get for him is during his naptime. This is actually a good thing, though, because there's no chance he'll suddenly act like he's never felt better.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) January 19, 2024
Yesterday, I overheard a man say, "Babe, are you okay?" She responded with a simple "I'm fine," and then he just said okay and walked away.
Rookie move, bro. Rookie move.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) January 23, 2024
Me: I’m going to check my email and then go to bed.
Me, 15 minutes later: *googling how tall was Abe Lincoln*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 28, 2023
A step-by-step guide to helping me in the kitchen:
1. Leave the kitchen
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 25, 2024
The me buying a bag of salad and the me with a bag of salad in my fridge are two completely different people.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 24, 2024
Did you know that you can put donation stuff in your car and then drive them directly to the Goodwill and not drive around with them for months?
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) January 24, 2024
I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the oven, no exceptions
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 24, 2024
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