Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
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8YO: When did I get inside mommy's tummy?
Me: On June 9 2014, I made coffee at 4pm and for the first time in her life mommy saw me put the jar of sugar back in the cabinet, 4:04pm you were inside mommy’s tummy
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 30, 2023
We hide all the presents in big boxes marked "VEGETABLES" because we know the kids will never go near them.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 1, 2023
my fitness device congratulated me on "playing ice hockey" and told me i burned 300 calories over the past 20 minutes.
i was eating a Wendy's baconator.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 30, 2023
I love it when my mom starts a text with "hi, it's mom" like I don't have her saved in my phone…
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) December 1, 2023
At the airport some rich lady is mad there is a little small mark on her suitcase and she's losing it. Mine came out with like a machete wound on it, but you know what? IDGAF im on vacation bitches gimme the fucking pina coladas im gonna pee in the pool living fucking MAS
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) November 30, 2023
Asked my 12 y/o daughter how her babysitting business was going and she said it’s tough when some people don’t even charge for their services.
“Grandparents are my biggest competitors.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 29, 2023
My teen daughter is getting a new haircut and style today. Y’all just pray for us that this goes well
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 30, 2023
Me: I'm rearranging my spice rack in alphabetical order, what comes after thyme?
Cyndi Lauper: thyme
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) November 30, 2023
I’m sitting there eating candy, not bothering anyone, and my entitled, self-indulgent kid sees me, makes a dash towards me and starts whining then says “Why are you eating my snacks?”
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) November 30, 2023
Welcome to your 40s: oh you like surprises, cool. Something is gonna hurt tomorrow. Surprise.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) November 30, 2023
It’s a rule that if in-laws are still in your house the morning after Thanksgiving you get to put lots of whiskey in your coffee.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) November 24, 2023
With the amount of boxes I bring in for my wife I'm technically Amazon seasonal help.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) November 30, 2023
Jeggings
Jeggings
Jeggings
Sweat pants
Jeggings
Sweat pants
Jeggings– me, folding my wife’s clothes
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 1, 2023
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