Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s 40 funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
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Talking to people before 10am should be a punishable offense.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) May 11, 2024
If you notice a lot of red flags, double-check that your date isn’t a bundle of lumber sticking out of a truck.
— Adam (@YSylon) May 11, 2024
Her: tell me a joke
Me: did you know there is an Office Of Government Accountability?
Us: AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
— SD (@StupiDucker) May 10, 2024
You can't make me do anything I don't want to do.
That privilege is reserved for my wife.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 10, 2024
Dads will yell at you for leaving the northern lights on
— LL Gabagool Jay (@JayTorch1031) May 11, 2024
Me in my 20’s: Why are my coworkers with kids always so tired and disheveled?
Me in my 30’s with kids: I’m so tired and disheveled.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) May 9, 2024
This coffee isn’t cutting it. Grab my hand and let’s ride off this cliff together
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 11, 2024
I just took my 3 boys to the trampoline park and jumped with them for an hour. I'm happy that I've stayed active so I can be active with them but I shouted "thank God" so loud when they said our time was up. Sweaty mess and they had a ball!
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 10, 2024
Not me waking up at 2 a.m. to throw dandelion seeds on my neighbors lawns.
— 🍁Graham Kritzer (@GrahamKritzer) May 2, 2024
As a married dad of 3 kids, I can tell you that good behavior is not possible when going out for dinner. It’s even worse when you take the kids with you.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 9, 2024
Can I be cordially UNinvited?
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 4, 2024
Salad is being recalled again.
Do you know what's never been recalled?Original Oreos.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) May 9, 2024
Just when you think that food cannot possibly call you on your phone….BOOM!!!
Onion rings.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) May 3, 2024
I'm not greedy. If my shirt wants some of my spaghetti, it's going to get some of my spaghetti
— Stephen Lee (@StephenBaeFleek) May 6, 2024
Welcome to Adulthood! You find yourself saying "wait, the sound system is working fine, and this is actual music?" more often now…
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) May 9, 2024
My wife distracted me while I was writing in my mom’s birthday card and because I can’t multitask I messed up and now it says “happy birthday Mom I love you?”
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) May 10, 2024
If you ever get the opportunity to coach 6-8 year olds soccer take it from me and drive to the nearest bridge and jump off of it.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) May 8, 2024
me: admit you were wrong and apologize.
her: *puts hair in a ponytail*
— Dan (@dadopotamus) May 9, 2024
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