Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s 40 funniest dad memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
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The sexiest thing a toaster can do is have four slots.
— Adam (@YSylon) April 27, 2024
Wife- Are you golfing today, I thought we were hanging out?
(Cancels golf)
Wife- You’re so annoying, I thought you were golfing today.
— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) May 2, 2024
EMTs showed up at my house unexpectedly, so I guess the neighbors did see me when the bee landed on my head
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) May 2, 2024
Dear fast fall asleeperers, we don’t like you.
— Not Today Eric (@NotTodayEric) May 3, 2024
My wife is now growing tomatoes.
She's growing them in a pink plastic ass pool. Wtf is happening and do I file for divorce now?
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 3, 2024
I start teaching our youngest how to drive this weekend, so I guess this is goodbye.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 3, 2024
My 6yo is upset with my wife and I and promised to never talk to us ever again because we were both ignoring her as she was talking to us. At 6AM. While we were both still sleeping.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) May 1, 2024
I cannot stress this enough, I will never have the urge to use a hotel's complimentary gym when I'm on vacation.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) May 3, 2024
people that invite you over for dinner and don’t have the food ready by 7pm, are not your friends.
— Dan (@dadopotamus) May 3, 2024
When I sprayed my foot with tinactin my 6yo asked what it was for and I told him athletes foot then he said “but daddy you’re not an athlete” and I am so sad that he’ll never understand how sick the burn was that he delivered.
— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) May 1, 2024
Bless you ☺️: out
Sneezus Christ! : in
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 28, 2024
My Kid: what was your favorite part of the day?
Me: that moment at about 8:30 this morning when my second cup of coffee hit me, and I could understand what you kids were saying through all your screaming.
Kid: huh?
Me: I said, when we went to the park.
— Michael Vogel (@MichaelVogel1) May 1, 2024
I said I was good at making decisions
I didn't say the decisions I made were good
— Stephen Lee (@StephenBaeFleek) April 30, 2024
NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.
They're calling it the Apollo G.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) May 1, 2024
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