Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
Grab a seat and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
My 11 y/o daughter can’t stand celebrity gossip so I asked her why it made her so irritated and she said, “They always talk about who celebrities are dating but never talk about who their best friend is. Boyfriends come and go, best friends are forever.” Someone get on this.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 19, 2023
Pray for my kids. Nothing is wrong, but they’re going back to school today after a week at Disney
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) January 19, 2023
My wife is upset at me so I asked my 7YO to cheer her up by playing Yankee Doodle on the kazoo
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 19, 2023
My wife called and asked me to get the chicken thighs out of the freezer. I told her we don’t have any chicken thighs in the freezer so she said she’d check when she gets home- your thoughts and prayers are appreciated
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) January 13, 2023
absolutely no one:
6yo: why is ur big toe REALLY BIG compared to ur other toes
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) January 18, 2023
What crime fighting duo hangs out at the noodle shop?
Batman and Ramen…
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) January 20, 2023
I’ve never won the lottery but one of the kids changed an empty toilet paper roll so now I know what it would feel like.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 14, 2023
I'm starting an OnlyDans where Dans get together to complain about being called "Dan the man, Daniel-san" and "Danny Boy" our whole lives.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) January 18, 2023
If you’re a parent, you’ve made enough mac and cheese to create a macaroni necklace around the world 3 times
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) January 20, 2023
My 5yo: How long will dinner take?
Me: 10 minutes.
My 5yo: When is 10 minutes over?
Me: In 10 minutes.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) January 19, 2023
please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 19, 2023
Went to my Grandpa's house and had to use his computer. On his desktop he had a folder called 'porn'. I opened it and it was absolutely 100% porn. I honestly don't know what i was expecting.
— 🍁Yukon Cornelius (@GrahamKritzer) January 18, 2023
Sorry, can’t talk, trying to guess the perfect speed to set my intermittent wipers
— Mike (@Parentpains) January 18, 2023
You think you’re a good parent until your son makes homemade pizza with only a sprinkling of cheese
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 15, 2023
Wife: I’m taking the garbage out
Me: Bye kids
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) January 19, 2023