Welcome to the latest installment of the funniest dad memes and tweets of the week.
Just a quick “please and thank you” again this week – please subscribe to my YouTube channel. Thank you.
The moms hit it out of the park this week. Let’s see what the dads have hiding in their cargo shorts.
Please enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
I admit that I tolerate some people only because of their dogs.
— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) July 31, 2022
Took a family poll on the prerequisites each of us have for a new home and my daughter pointedly said, “a secret evil lair.” 10 y/o’s have the best priorities.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 11, 2022
Me: Here’s half my income.
Daycare: Cool. Here’s a new virus every other week.
— David Doel (@daviddoel) August 10, 2022
Raising kids isn’t so hard, you just have to make sure their food and water bowls are full before you leave the house to go to the liquor store
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) August 11, 2022
revenge is best served cold, like the giant glass of sugary lemonade you give the neighbor kid right before he finally goes home
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) August 3, 2022
My favorite thing about having kids is replaying the same song in the car because my kids won't shut up.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) August 11, 2022
Kids at bedtime are like a nine page food blog for a simple ramen noodle recipe
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 12, 2022
There's a banner outside 5yo's kindergarten classroom that reads "Class of 2035" and when I read it my bones turned to dust
— Adam Gaylord 🌻🐛🍻 (@AuthorGaylord) August 12, 2022
Half the mileage I’ve put on my car has been spent turning around to get something my teen forgot.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) August 12, 2022
Men used to storm the beaches of Normandy and now we fuckin blanche rapini and add garlic and parmesan with a lemon twist
— 🍁Yukon Gold (@GrahamKritzer) August 11, 2022
My 6-year-old said his stomach was hurting on the 2nd day of school, which set a new family record.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) August 11, 2022
Look, if your wife makes something for the potluck, you have to have a huge helping and you HAVE to tell everyone how great it is. Those are the rules.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 6, 2022
What's been on your mind lately?
Nobody ate breakfast in "The Breakfast Club."
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) August 11, 2022
I took my kid to school in pyjamas today for pyjama day. Apparently it wasn’t pyjama day though.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) August 12, 2022
Me: I’m an athlete, I have a sports injury
Doctor: Didn’t you say you hurt your knee getting out of bed
Me: [Looking away]
— Mike (@Parentpains) August 10, 2022
7yo: daddy could you bring me my pachycephlosaurus?
7yo, whispers: you have no idea which one that is do you
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) August 11, 2022
My 13yo asked why we kept cheese in the vegetable drawer, and I told her it’s because cheese is a vegetable, and although she didn’t believe me, she did say, “I can get behind that.” Then we both ate some cheddar and I don’t know if I’ve ever connected with a child on this level.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) August 12, 2022
Meteor showers are the only showers my kids won't argue with me about.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 12, 2022