Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
If you’re on Twitter, please give me a follow. I’d appreciate it.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
In my will I’m leaving my kids an elaborate treasure map to a buried fortune. Once they finally locate and open it, it’s just going to be filled with everything they made me out of sticks and cardboard in elementary school
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 11, 2022
My 10 year old is super into historical military strategy but when I asked him his favorite battle he told me "The Battle of Helm's Deep" because he's also a jokester and knows it would take me days to figure that one out
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 10, 2022
My morning workouts include dodging 49 school emails.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 10, 2022
A fun game to play after 40 is "am I sick or does my body just hate me now?"
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 10, 2022
A haunted house, but it’s just electrical issues and your parents getting a divorce.
— deathbecomesher (@JuliePeloquin14) October 8, 2022
My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. This is fine.
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 9, 2022
I asked my 3 year old why she was wearing a bathing suit to dinner as if I’ve never met a toddler before
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 12, 2022
[Me hugging my husband]
7: You guys can’t hug it’s not your anniversary yet!
My son is going to make an excellent husband one day…
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) October 6, 2022
Motherhood is going 100 miles an hour and hearing 100 moms a minute.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 12, 2022
If I’ve learned anything from TikTok it’s that I need better ring doorbell footage
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) October 9, 2022
I take great joy in remembering that I am a grownup and can make a cup of coffee any time I want one.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) October 12, 2022
— 👻Mummy Fearest👻 (@mommeh_dearest) October 13, 2022
A haunted house but it’s just me having to finish what I started
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) October 12, 2022
3yo: *amazed* Mommy! Penis and Pee start with P too!
Me: Yes, but I think P should be for Pear and Potatoe.
3yo: No I like penis and pee better, I can't wait to tell my teacher.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) October 12, 2022
25% of adulthood is starting the dishwasher thinking “didn’t I just empty this?”
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 10, 2022
I’m not a jealous person until I hear about helpful grandparents and suddenly I’m all like “oH tHaT mUsT bE nIcE”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 12, 2022
I asked 5 how school was and he said “it’s literally none of your business“ so I said “I was literally cut open to give you life” then he told me school was awesome and gave me some of his cookie
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 6, 2022
Why would I pay for an escape room when I can feel trapped and confused for an hour by asking my husband about his fantasy football league?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 12, 2022
If you need me today, I’ll be trying to figure out who is buying the thousands of Halloween greeting cards at Target
— mom🦇mom🎃mom👻mom💀mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 12, 2022
My daughter is "OMG! Why won't you let me live my life" years old.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) October 11, 2022
If you see me choking on my own spit please don’t ask me if I’m ok.. let’s not make this experience any worse
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 12, 2022
It's a truth universally acknowledged that your kids will always get you sick at the most inopportune times.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) October 10, 2022
My new neighbor asked if he could braid my bush and I'm not sure if he's an arborist or flirting with me
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) October 12, 2022