Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
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If you missed yesterday’s mom memes and tweets, read those too.
Sit right down and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
My 12 year-old ADHD daughter told me she has a strategy to focus on math problems. I expected to hear about a breathing technique but instead she said she sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth and “violently wiggles” her toes. We all have coping mechanisms.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 13, 2022
My 6yo: There's no school on Friday because it's a teacher planning day. What does that mean?
Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) October 13, 2022
I told my 4yo we didn’t have any ice cream and he quickly responded “yes we do I found it in the back of the freezer!” That was mine and the wife’s stash.
— Spooky Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) October 12, 2022
At the airport, running to my gate, praying I make my flight, even though I’m three hours early.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) October 13, 2022
Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free
*me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old*
my 6 year-old: im a police
— 🍁Yukon Gold (@GrahamKritzer) October 12, 2022
People are filming movies on their iPhones and I’m just over here trying to not accidentally turn on the flashlight every time I pick it up
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) October 12, 2022
My family has been giving each other the same five gift bags since 1984.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 13, 2022
kids at bedtime are like raccoons on cocaine and in the morning sloths on melatonin
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 13, 2022
The wind knocked our recycle bin over and scattered our recycling all across the neighborhood.
[two streets over]
Neighbor [looking at his lawn, covered in bottles]: Who the hell still drinks Zima?
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 13, 2022
It’s confusing how my kid is failing drama when he puts on award winning performances anytime he’s asked to do anything
— Mike (@Parentpains) October 13, 2022
“Sit still you animals !” My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned “My World”.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 12, 2022
me: i'm gonna eat better
sonic: hey our mozz sticks are .99 today
me: i'm gonna eat better tomorrow
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 13, 2022
My 5yo went to the toilet the other day, then walked out of the bathroom without flushing the toilet or washing his hands. When my wife asked why, he said didn’t need to go to the toilet anymore because he already peed on the couch.
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) October 14, 2022
That sound? It’s just my son trying to print out his homework while the carpool waits outside.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 11, 2022
What did Potassium say to her boyfriend when he made her mad?
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) October 13, 2022
the clay making scene from Ghost but it’s just my wife and I picking up all the playdough from the ground
— Dad Set Against…the Dead 🧟♂️ (@DadSetAgainst) October 13, 2022