Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
If you’re on Twitter, please give me a follow. I’d appreciate it.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
Walked in on my toddler with my glasses on her head looking out the window sipping from a coffee cup. Looks like my job here is done
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) October 18, 2022
When my 6yo offered to whisper the "W" word and the "Z" word to me, I thought I was about to learn the latest elementary school curse words. Instead, I found out just how scared he and his sister are of werewolves and zombies.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) October 13, 2022
She’s just a Target girl living in a Walmart world
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 18, 2022
I introduced my kids to Ramen too early and they're tired of eating it and now I have no idea how they're going to survive in college.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) October 17, 2022
In case you ever wondered about the joys of parenting, my child just requested chicken nuggets, but with no chicken in them. “you can just take the chicken out”
— mom🦇mom🎃mom👻mom💀mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 18, 2022
Marriage involves a lot more shouting “I’M IN THE BATHROOM” than I originally thought.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 19, 2022
I asked 10 how school was. “We did first aid training and now I’m qualified to kill someone then bring them back to life”. If you need me I’ll be hiding from my 10yo
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 18, 2022
My husband accused me of hiding the good snacks. They were in the snack cupboard. Where snacks live.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 18, 2022
90% of dog ownership is telling your dog you’re not letting them out because you just let them out and then letting them out
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 16, 2022
My 2yo got admitted to the hospital. I forgot I could fall asleep standing up.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) October 15, 2022
Never thought I’d see the day where I’d be removing fucking eggs from my shopping cart because “they’re too pricy”, yet here we are
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) October 18, 2022
You can either have dry toilet seats or you can have kids but you cannot have both
— 👻Mummy Fearest👻 (@mommeh_dearest) October 19, 2022
Just thinking about all the times when I was a teenager that I would leave the house in one outfit, and then change into something sluttier later so my parents didn’t know. And now I have 2 daughters.. lord help.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) October 18, 2022
My daughter did this and I’m not okay pic.twitter.com/uSN4N9DJ9q
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) October 14, 2022
me: what did you have for snack at preschool today?
4yo: well it was a munching thing and it looked like a square taco but it wasn’t a chocolate cookie
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 17, 2022
Can’t wait to dip into our life savings tomorrow at the book fair on 4 pens that will immediately break and a no probllama poster.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 18, 2022
Anyone who thinks women don’t have the intellectual ability to be president has never tried to coordinate weekly schedules for children who don’t drive
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 20, 2022
Why would I go see a scary movie when I can watch my husband using a metal spatula on my Teflon pan
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 20, 2022
The only thing better than a cancelled work meeting is a cancelled work meeting that you totally forgot to put on your calendar three weeks ago and would have inadvertently ghosted anyway
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 19, 2022
I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door & say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 19, 2022
Love is sitting in the urgent care with my husband even though he should've have known better.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 18, 2022
Going trick or treating this year but just telling the person handing out candy, “you are enough”.
— deathbecomesher (@JuliePeloquin14) October 18, 2022