Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
If you’re on Twitter, please give me a follow. I’d appreciate it.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
Last year, my 8yo wrote a love note to a boy named Kevin. This year, she and Kevin have exchanged Roblox usernames to friend one another. I'd say this romance is moving along quite nicely.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) October 21, 2022
Always nice to see my son’s apple return home from it’s daily school outing
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 26, 2022
My husband just told me that I was right and…
… I don't know what else he said because I stopped listening after he said that I was right.
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) October 26, 2022
Eleanor Roosevelt said “do one thing everyday that scares you,” so I’m taking my kids to get flu shots
— mom🦇mom🎃mom👻mom💀mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 23, 2022
I physically need 0 cookies but I emotionally need 37.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 26, 2022
5 told me they read Pinocchio at school and that Pinocchio’s nose got big if he lied, then she looked at me and said “wow mummy you must have lied a lot”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 20, 2022
Clocks go back November 6. I hope mine goes back to a time when I didn’t have to say things like “stay in the bathroom while you’re pooping”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 26, 2022
my daughter has confused the name for the school halloween activity calling it trick or trunk and now it’s starting to sound more like a kidnapping than a fun outing to get candy
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 26, 2022
My 4yo has become a proficient cusser and I am having hard time being mad about it. Kid is really creative.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) October 26, 2022
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. No, I much prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.
— 👻Mummy Fearest👻 (@mommeh_dearest) October 25, 2022
Let’s lay on the couch together and play on our phones and not talk to each other, babe
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) October 24, 2022
When I was a kid I could remember all my friends phone numbers but as an adult I can’t remember a 6 digit verification code
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) October 25, 2022
Driving in October is so fun because every time my kid yells "spider!" I get to have a little panic attack until realizing it was just someone's Halloween decoration
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 26, 2022
My son called the butter shelf in the fridge the dairy penthouse and there is no other name for it now.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 25, 2022
Me- Nothing is stronger than a mother's love
My teen- *takes off his shoes
Me- I stand corrected
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 25, 2022
Toddler chose violence this morning and dance kicked our TV off the stand but the Screen Gods are with me – that MF still works
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) October 26, 2022
It’s not so much that my husband already ate the Halloween candy, it’s that he ate it and left me with only the AlmondJoys
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 27, 2022
Me: “I’ll have a Prosecco”
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Don’t say it
Me: With prosseco in it✨
— deathbecomesher (@JuliePeloquin14) October 21, 2022
I went to my 3yo's parent-teacher conference tonight, and apparently she's formed a gang with the other girls and they play a game everyday called "take our babies to McDonald's."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 26, 2022
Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 24, 2022
The devil on my left shoulder says “burn it all down”
The worse devil on my right says “fuck it, just take a nap”
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 26, 2022