Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
If you’re on TikTok, please give me a follow. I’d appreciate it.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
An elaborate escape plan but it’s just me losing my husband and the kids in Target so I can shop unbothered
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 5, 2022
My mom and dad were perfect parents back in the 80s: they smoked, let me roam the neighborhood starting at age 7, and never once helped me with my homework
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) October 4, 2022
My toddler's "second wind" hits more like a tornado.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) October 5, 2022
Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn around & ask you for $20.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 4, 2022
I can’t even describe what just happened bc it was straight out of a sitcom but I dropped a carton of eggs, I told my 2yo he could throw one that cracked but didnt break into the sink but instead he threw it over his head and directly into a dish of just cooked enchiladas.
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) October 4, 2022
Mommy, you look beautiful today, but you shouldn't wear house shoes to drop me off, that's lazy.
-my 3yo really nailing the backhanded compliments
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) October 5, 2022
I’m just a girl
Sitting in the drive thru
Hoping this adult happy meal solves all my problems
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 4, 2022
Pillow talk when you’re married in your 40s is whispering things like “when I die, if you need access to the accounts, just hold my phone up to my dead face”
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) October 5, 2022
My daughter is gonna be so mad when I name her Annie (short for anxiety)
— 👻Mummy Fearest👻 (@mommeh_dearest) October 5, 2022
5 paused the tv and said “mummy I don’t think there’s anything worse than a paper cut except maybe when your eyeball falls out” then carried on watching Pokémon
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 4, 2022
“Unicorns are out. Cats are in.”
~my 10-year-old, describing the 4th grade fashion scene
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 4, 2022
6: mom, all the songs that have bad words in them are still really good
— mom🦇mom🎃mom👻mom💀mom (@notmythirdrodeo) October 5, 2022
"I have 5 more years of this stupid house and then I'm moving out once I turn 18!"
– my 13 year old, not being dramatic about cleaning his room
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) October 5, 2022
I feel like Dateline is gonna be mad at me but, has anyone mentioned to men that they don’t have to kill their wives.. they can just divorce them?
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) October 4, 2022
My daughter described my bra as a grown up Pop It and I may never stop laughing
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) October 4, 2022
The new daycare teacher doesn't speak much English, but with the amount my kids talk, that's going to change very quickly.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) October 5, 2022
The kid that gave my daughter a Rainbow Loom kit for her birthday is getting 5000 small elastics for theirs
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) October 5, 2022
My kid just introduced me to a new friend who is at our house as “this is my mom… she never sits down. It’s super weird”
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) October 3, 2022
Making my first batch of chili and cornbread of the season, and my house smells like you want to marry me.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) October 4, 2022
You know you’re getting older when every time you bend over or stand up you moan
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) October 2, 2022
My four year old told me she ate fruit at school today and when I asked her what kind she said flamangos.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 4, 2022
80% of marriage is walking around sighing passive aggressively but never saying anything
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) October 5, 2022
My parents just sent my kid a book that makes farting noises, as if I won't be the one picking out their nursing home
— meghan (@deloisivete) October 5, 2022
“Well I disagree,” but instead I just start hissing.
— deathbecomesher (@JuliePeloquin14) October 4, 2022