Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
If you’re on TikTok, please go give me a follow. I’d appreciate it.
Sit right down and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) September 27, 2022
My 7yo refused to tie his shoes so I joked that someday his wife would need to do it for him, and he responded by naming all the girls in his class that were really good at tying shoes.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) September 27, 2022
Coaching 13yo kids' soccer is great. Half the team is 4 feet tall, the other half is 6'2”, but if you ask anyone their favorite movie, it's Minions: The Rise of Gru.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 23, 2022
My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) September 28, 2022
As parents we all make threats to our kids that aren't realistic. What's your most recent threat?
I'll go first. I just told my kids if they keep wasting food I won't buy anymore food again.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 28, 2022
The fact that I have to put on pants to go through the McDonald’s drive-thru is ridiculous and frankly unnecessary
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) September 28, 2022
I show my authority when it's my kids' bedtime by using my "Dad eyes" and telling them that their mom said so.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) September 25, 2022
I don’t understand why some people drink so much
[Becomes parent] Oh that’s why
— Mike (@Parentpains) September 27, 2022
A good way to prepare for parenting is to talk to rocks because children have similar listening habits.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 29, 2022
9YO *American accent*: Daddy, I’ll do the chores only if you pay me a dollar
Me *Indian accent*: How about if you finish them, you can skip the fourth math worksheet
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 28, 2022
If my doctor wants me to lose weight he has to convince the stores not to sell Halloween candy until 3:30PM on October 31st.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) September 30, 2022
My kid needs a big fancy calculator for her advanced math class. Meanwhile, I still don’t know the difference between CE and C.
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) September 29, 2022
My friend group includes a man named 'New Guy Dave' a term we coined when we met him 27 years ago when we already had a Dave in our group. We still call him 'New Guy Dave' even though we are 41 years-old.
Men are not complicated creatures, ladies.
— 🍁Yukon Gold (@GrahamKritzer) September 26, 2022
When my daughter was 7 years-old she once interrupted a bedtime story to tell me, “In a pie-eating contest, it doesn’t matter if you win or lose because you get to eat pie.” I think about that a lot.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 27, 2022