Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
If you’re on Twitter, please give me a follow. I’d appreciate it.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
I'd be the most boring person to stalk.
*Day 437* She enters Walmart and leaves with Bear Paws, again
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) November 6, 2022
My teen- *with a mouthful of burger and fries* Must be nice to be an adult and do whatever you want
Me- *picking at my salad and holding the bill*- Yeah, it’s been a real treat
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 3, 2022
Overheard my daughter tell her sister her Barbie’s name is vagina if you’re wondering what nice young ladies I’m raising.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 9, 2022
Edging.. but it’s just me delaying getting out of bed for my first cup of coffee.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) November 9, 2022
A bagel a day keeps the abs away! Wait…
— Mama•Is•Surviving (@MomOf2Happas) November 9, 2022
married life is having very tense discussions about dryer settings
— Science Mom 🔬 (@EmSlyce) November 9, 2022
Me to me: Never take no for an answer. If someone says no, you’re asking the wrong person.
Also me, to my kids: I’ve already said no once. Why are you asking again?
— Terri Fry (@momlikethat1) November 7, 2022
What do you call it when you spend an hour making a dinner nobody eats? Wednesday, apparently
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 10, 2022
I was driving with my son when he asked me about the meaning of a bumper sticker that said, "If you're gonna ride my ass at least pull my hair" and WTF?! Why wasn't he looking at his phone like a normal teen?!
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) November 2, 2022
Parenting 1 kid: You need to share.
Parenting 2 kids: You need to take turns.
Parenting 3 kids: Take off your shoes and give them to your baby brother. He wants them.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 9, 2022
5: please can I have an apple
Me: sure *gives apple*
5: oh dear
Me: what’s up
5: I can’t eat that apple
Me: why not
5: it’s not a donut
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 8, 2022
my six year old wanted me to pretend to be her mom and i said “i am your mom” and she said “but like, a cool young fun mom”
im glad i tore up my body to birth her just to get shredded to pieces like that
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 9, 2022
“No more cookies” I said before my kid took another one but it was oatmeal raisin so the cookie punished him instead of me
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 9, 2022
My 5yo taught my 1yo how to play fetch and from the amount of little teeth marks in the ball he really got the hang of it
— 🤷🏼♀️Mommeh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) November 8, 2022
Exchanged numbers with a fellow mom at my kid's preschool. Now I'm freaking out because I don't know what the protocol is. Do I text her, does she text me, WHY IS MAKING FRIENDS SO HARD?!
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) November 7, 2022
Today's mantra is "Anxiety won't fix your problems" but what if my main source of anxiety is that today's mantra has been stuck on that for 3 weeks now
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) November 9, 2022
There comes a point in every parent's day when they answer all their child's questions with, "Go to bed."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 8, 2022
We're only a week into November, but my belly already looks like someone clicked "accept all cookies."
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 7, 2022
Doing household chores is not sexy, no matter your gender. Like, good job cleaning the counter.
— deathbecomesher (@JuliePeloquin14) November 7, 2022
My 4yo wants me to wear a random hair tie he found at the park, and I am going to have to respectfully decline
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 9, 2022
I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 9, 2022