Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
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If you missed yesterday’s mom memes and tweets, read those too.
Sit right down and enjoy this collection of dad jokes, puns, memes, and rants from some funny AF dads.
People say there’s nothing tougher than a diamond but they’ve never had to convince my kid to put his shoes on before school
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) November 3, 2022
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.
I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.
— PUNS (@ThePunnyWorld) November 2, 2022
Me: Where are my glasses?
13yo: Wherever you left them
(He'll make a great dad one day)
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) November 3, 2022
Child: I learned a joke at school.
Me: Ok let’s hear it.
Child: What goes in stiff but comes out soft?
Me: Is it a-
Wife [running in from other room]: SPAGHETTI IT’S SPAGHETTI
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 25, 2022
My wife has this cute way of saying I need to do something by saying we need to do something.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 3, 2022
Impatiently waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 1, 2022
my daughter has started getting frustrated with me when I use technology and someone just go ahead and take me to the nursing home
— McDad (@mcdadstuff) November 3, 2022
My 6 year-old son just stopped in the middle of his swimming lesson to yell and ask if he can have chicken noodle soup for dinner.
This is why we can't have a pool
— 🍁Yukon Ghost (@GrahamKritzer) November 2, 2022
You have exactly one chance to rinse all the soap off your hands under one of those motion sensor activated faucets.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 3, 2022
My 4yo, playing a video game with a long dialogue: “I wish he would shut up.”
— Thankful Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) November 3, 2022
Cut my finger while carving a pumpkin and my 12 y/o daughter told me to save the blood in case we needed it for decorations so I said, “ok, sweetie,” and took garlic to bed with me because WTF.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) October 31, 2022
Parenthood is mostly thinking, "I know my kid is supposed to be smart but seriously what the fuck?"
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) November 3, 2022
How dare my wife accuse me of not helping her at home when I washed the dishes without her asking, just 6 months ago.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 29, 2022
Me: Bathroom emergency. Major emergency. Need to go now. Can’t hold it another second.
Also me: has to find phone first
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) November 3, 2022
Adulting is always pretending to be happy while muttering for fuck’s sake under your breath whenever anyone calls your name
— Mike (@Parentpains) November 2, 2022
I HAVEN’T SEEN THIS THING IN YEARS
–4yo who’s only been alive long enough to start making memories
— Dad Set Against (@DadSetAgainst) October 30, 2022