Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
My kid: Mom, you have a body like Olaf
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) November 13, 2022
Parenting during the holidays is just a mix of threatening to call Santa while simultaneously trying to give your kids the best Christmas ever
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 16, 2022
My family couldn’t find my daughter’s piano book and I got home and found it in 4 seconds and her teacher said it’s not lost til mom can’t find it so now we’re eloping.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) November 16, 2022
5: Mommy what do you wish for while pooping?
Me: I didn’t know that was an option!
— 🤷🏼♀️Mommeh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) November 15, 2022
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) November 15, 2022
Ex and I were talking schedules for splitting custody and this man tried to ask me to help him on his first weekend with the kids because of his work schedule. Bro.. that is your problem now. Not mine.
— Mama•Is•Surviving (@MomOf2Happas) November 16, 2022
40 is watching Sunday football and being way more attracted to the coaches than the players
— Science Mom 🔬 (@EmSlyce) November 14, 2022
I want a house that self cleans, kitchen that self cooks, laundry that puts itself away and children that self listen.
— Terri Fry (@momlikethat1) November 16, 2022
There needs to be a support group for parents who have said the wrong birthday to their child’s pediatrician.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 16, 2022
Do I really want to get bangs or do I just need to eat a Snickers?
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) November 11, 2022
[telling a friend about a random creepy DM slide]
*curls hair behind ear, “So, he’s my murderer.”
— deathbecomesher (@JuliePeloquin14) November 10, 2022
I'm pretty sure that my husband wants a divorce. I mean he didn't say it but he left 1 square of toilet paper on the roll, so…
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) November 1, 2022
Welcome to middle age. That thing that happened this morning was indeed today and that thing that happened yesterday was actually 5 years ago.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 16, 2022
Sorry we’re late, my kid insisted on finding a shirt that was “Jurassic World-y” but also “no dinos”
— meghan (@deloisivete) November 16, 2022
My twins learned some new adjectives at school today and are currently arguing about whether the dinner I cooked is abominable or diabolical
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 14, 2022
husband: when i was your age we didn’t have cell phones isn’t that crazy?
daughter: did you ride around in a horse and cart?!
h: no im not that old!
son: but you didn’t have tv right?
h: never mind
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 15, 2022
Me, crying: I'm just so grateful. You work so hard to provide for this family, day after day, even on weekends! I love you so much.
Him: Aw shucks, I'm sure you say that to all the Amazon delivery drivers.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 16, 2022
Home with 3 sick kids today. If you need me I will be in the closet drinking and crying.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) November 16, 2022
One day you are getting carded for R movies and wine coolers then you have kids and then you blink and then someone who is twenty years younger than you is on the screen convincing you to buy cream for your wrinkles
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) November 15, 2022
I just overheard a dad tell his kids that the ice cream truck only plays music when it's out of treats. Genius.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 10, 2022
I told my daughter to stop talking so much and finish her dinner and she told me to stop being a Karen. I’m pretty sure she won this round.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) November 8, 2022
I accidentally drank from my husband’s dad mug and the kids didn’t wake me up once last night
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 16, 2022
Can someone explain why the hell every single place for children opens at 10 or even 11 am??? Like I have been up since 5:15. I have lived five lives and made two meals by TEN AM.
— emily petrini (@emilykmay) November 10, 2022