Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
I’m sorry I texted you at 5 AM but in my defense you were the one who texted me at 11 PM.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 7, 2022
I replaced an old broken chair with a new one and now my kids want to transfer to a different family because I have betrayed them
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 7, 2022
7 year old son: it’s not fair that you can fart out of two places
Me: thems the breaks, kid
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 8, 2022
At school pickup, the teacher called my kid's name 5-6 times before he finally looked in the right direction, so no need for that paternity test
— meghan (@deloisivete) December 7, 2022
I’ve decided that waists are for single people under 35.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) December 7, 2022
Sorry I've been MIA. All the germs the kids brought home morphed into a super bug and attacked me.
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) December 7, 2022
8: What’s the hardest thing about being a mom?
Me: Being ignored. I said put your shoes on.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) December 6, 2022
This holiday season, make your list and check it twice, then send it directly to your in-laws since you know your husband will forget to
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) December 4, 2022
I forgot to move the elf two nights ago. When my girls asked why she didn’t move I suggested it was because they woke up too early. This morning they both slept later. I’ve never been more proud of a parenting fail 🤪
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) December 1, 2022
Sometimes I struggle with anxiety around the holidays but then I remember that my youngest child is neurodivergent and couldn’t give a rats ass about the Christmas elf and that’s when I truly feel the magic of the season
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 5, 2022
3yo: I don't want to be a human when I grow up!
me: What do you want to be?
3yo: I just want to be in charge!
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 6, 2022
Newly engaged couples should have to go pick out a Christmas tree & decorate it, without incident.
“Todd, I can’t believe you string lights like that. I’m out.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 7, 2022
My kid wanted to use her $2 to buy an iPad and I told her it’s not enough money and she said “well you bought a whole house when you didn’t have enough money” and now she’s grounded until I can think of a comeback
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) December 7, 2022
my six year old is a terrible speller but my husband is teaching her how to pronounce worcestershire so at least she will have street smarts
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 6, 2022
Put it in your mouth and start moving it around.
-me telling my kids how to brush their teeth
— Mama•Is•Surviving (@MomOf2Happas) December 7, 2022
Christmas songs remastered by my boys:
🎵 All I want for a Christmas are my 2 butt cheeks
🎵 Jingle bell jingle bell, jingle all the poop
🎵 Rudolph the red nose wiener
🎵 Fartsy the Fartman
— Terri Fry (@momlikethat1) December 7, 2022
Hear me out.. fashion bibs for adult messy eaters, like me
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) December 6, 2022
Husband: It stinks in here did you fart?
Me: Well I made hard boiled eggs, the baby had a nasty poop diaper, and I farted.
— 🎁🎄Mommeh Cheerest🎄🎁 (@mommeh_dearest) December 7, 2022
I prefer my weighted blanket in human form
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) December 6, 2022