Welcome to the latest installment of the week’s funniest mom memes and tweets.
If you’re on TikTok, please go give me a follow. I’d appreciate it.
Please enjoy this collection of mom jokes, puns, memes, and regular old rants from some funny-as-hell mommas.
my kid: *youtube presenter voice* so what we will be doing today is throwing pants at each other
— meghan (@deloisivete) September 28, 2022
Being a parent is the hardest job and I know this because my boss never knocked on my door at 5 am to criticize something I did yesterday like my kid did this morning
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) September 26, 2022
My teen just let me know he’s never speaking to me again. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask what’s for dinner
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 28, 2022
I told my mom friend that her 11yo will be driving in 5 years, and now she's mad at me.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 26, 2022
My kid as a reality TV chef:
"This recipe calls for 1 small onion, nope that's too spicy. 1 teaspoon of pepper, yuck! Half a cup of peas?! Are you kidding me?! Today on this episode we will be making Mac and Cheese, again."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 29, 2022
Me before kids: I’m going to be a chill mom.
Me now: Preschool is supposed to send photos from the day at 1pm, it’s is now 1:53pm and no photos have arrived, should I call 911?
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 28, 2022
If you don't question your life choices daily are you even a parent?
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) September 28, 2022
no one warned me the hardest part of parenting would be remembering school library day
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 28, 2022
My 7yo wanted to know why Poppy’s tooth fairy gives $20 and hers only gives $2 and I blurted ‘it’s cause Poppy’s mom is the worst’ which worked out great cause now my kid thinks the tooth fairy just feels sorry for Poppy
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 27, 2022
If I didn’t let my kids eat food from the floor they would probably starve
— Mom Meh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) September 26, 2022
5 asked me if I’ve ever been to jail and when I said no, she said “wow, not even for your cooking?”
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 26, 2022
6: mom, can I have this?
me: that’s a $56 necklace, so, no, that’s out of your budget
6: but you’re the one buying it
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) September 26, 2022
I was trying to teach my son how to box out for rebounds in basketball when he said, "I'm not sure if that will work because my butt isn't as big as yours" and if anyone needs me, I'll just be over here putting the big butt curse on my son
— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) September 28, 2022
Apparently I’m a walking napkin for my kids
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 25, 2022
You think your coworker is toxic? Mine steals things from my desk, spills crumbs on my chair, and then has the audacity to need a diaper change.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) September 29, 2022
Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on
— Tori (@ToriTheMom) September 28, 2022
What's your Hurricane Prep Job within your household? For example: I'm the snacks & games person, whereas my husband is responsible for literally everything else
— Deena Lang (@itsdeenalang) September 28, 2022
I got the sweetest email from my daughter’s kindergarten teacher sending her condolences bc 5 told her that her grandmother had died.
Her grandmother did not die. 🤦♀️
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) September 29, 2022
Ohhh, I get it now!
-Me, not getting it at all.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) September 28, 2022
I yelled at my 4 year old to stop jumping on the couch and he told me to use my inside voice.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 28, 2022
Kids be like, We interrupt your sleep to bring you this important message: “My blanket fell off.”
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 28, 2022
7: I’m not sure I want to be a parent
Me: Why not?
7: Because it seems tiring
7: Because I don’t want to waste my money on kids
Kids are such fast learners these days
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) September 27, 2022
My husband and I were fighting. But I just sent him a TikTok so I think I just apologized?
— Melissa Gutierrez (@Fiveoclockmommy) September 29, 2022
I no longer have to bend down to hug my son
I am not OK.
— Modern_MomProbs (@Modern_MomProbs) September 25, 2022
There are two kinds of people, those who put water in the shampoo bottle to get the last bit, and billionaires
— eLeni (@eleniZarro) September 26, 2022