A special announcement this week – a friend of mine and I just launched a lifestyle and fitness brand – DSCPLND.
Please go check it out.
If you buy anything, use the code DSCPLND15 to get 15% off your first purchase.
Here are some of the funniest parenting tweets and memes from parents this week.
[extreme Doc Brown panicked voice] They found me! I don’t know how but they found me!!
Toddler: *continues pounding on the bathroom door*
— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) October 22, 2020
I think it’s funny that as parents, we aren’t supposed to tell our family when we’re sick of their shit, but we’re also not supposed to tell ANYONE ELSE when we’re sick of our family’s shit. We’re supposed to just let it fester.
And by “funny” I mean really fucking stupid.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 22, 2020
Why hasn’t October been 3 years long like every other month in 2020?
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 22, 2020
Schedule your dentist appointment early in the month so you can do the hidden picture in the Highlights magazine before some kid ruins it.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 22, 2020
Wife [leaving for work]: Enjoy your day off.
Me: Okay. Do you need me to do anything around here?
Wife: [coming home from work]
Me [on couch]: Hi!
Wife: So you've done nothing all day?
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 23, 2020
10: “I get my band instrument tomorrow.”
Me: “That’s so exciting.”
10: “Trumpet 2020!”
Me: “Don’t ever say that again.”
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) October 22, 2020
normalize tacos for breakfast
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 23, 2020
I will out-dad you simply by placing more burgers on my grill than you. How many is that, bud? I have 27
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) October 23, 2020
who called them intestines instead of farteries
— halloweeNate ⛰☕️ 🧙♂️ (@perlhack) October 22, 2020
I’m 42 but at the perfect angle and with optimal lighting, I could totally pass for 41.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) October 22, 2020
The early bird gets *a* worm. Not *the* worm. It's not like there's a worm shortage. Shut the fuck up.
— Dad That Frights 🎃 (@dadthatwrites) October 22, 2020
Little kids roll out of bed in the morning and pick up the conversation exactly where they left off last night. Parents, you're not tucking them in, you're pressing pause.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) October 23, 2020
10 y.o. is watching a YouTube video that shows him how to beat a video game level.
After a few minutes, I heard him yell “OH MY GOD, CAN YOU JUST GET TO THE POINT!?!”
Poor kid. Just wait until the day he tries to look up a recipe online.
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) October 21, 2020
All I’m saying is the makers of Pringles could learn a thing or two from the makers of the push-pop.
— The Dead Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) October 22, 2020
My tubes are tied. I didn't even know they were competing.
— ghoul on the hill (@Mom_Overboard) October 22, 2020
My tween woke up in a bad mood so I gave her a big hug.
Now she’s in a worse mood.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 22, 2020
there's nothing more annoying than everything going on right now
— Born Miserable (@bornmiserable) October 22, 2020
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Welp. This week on the @dadandburied podcast we discussed shielding our kids from stuff, like violent movies and video games. Apparently I didn’t do a great job, probably because *my* parents brought me to the theater to see saw stuff like ALIENS when I was nine! Check it out wherever you get your podcasts, and let me know if you shield your kids from stuff like scary movies and social media and presidential debates… 😬😬😬 #protectingkids #videogames #kidsareterrifying #violentmovies #dadpodcasts #parentingpodcasts #funnypodcasts #badparenting
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Why? Did you see it, too? . . . . . . . . #thetruthisoutthere #ufosighting #ufo #90skid #aliensarereal #parenting #parentingmemes #mom #momhumor #mommemes #dad #dadhumor #dadmemes #memes #dankmemes #memesdaily #memestagram #funny #parentinghumor #family #kidsaretheworst #dadlife #fatherhood #parenting101 #parentingwin #dadstuff
Me: Look! I made Spaghetti Carbonara but I substituted regular bacon with canadian bacon.
11: You are the worst mother.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) October 22, 2020
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