Welcome to another installment of “parents just barely making it,” better known as, the funniest parenting memes & tweets this week.
No talk-up this week. Just coming with the funny. But I will remind everyone to check out my new line of Post-It Notes with 3M.
Here are this week’s dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents.
11-year-old: At school, we're doing a play called Guys and Dolls. It's set a really long time ago.
Me: Oh, really?
11: Yeah. Like the 1990s.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 9, 2021
My husband walked up behind me and complimented my perfume. When I turned around to thank him I realized he was talking about the new scented kitchen garbage bags
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 9, 2021
My kids have SO many hobbies
Arguing
Leaving cabinet doors open
Placing clothes directly outside of the basket
Wearing weather inappropriate clothing
Waiting until 9pm to tell me a project is due
Leaving turds in the toilet
Stacking trash
The list goes on— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 7, 2021
My toddler asked if we took her with us when I went to the hospital to give birth to her in case you were wondering what youngest child syndrome looks like
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 10, 2021
Accidentally put on a Christmas jazz playlist and now I can’t stop welcoming everyone to Pottery Barn.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 9, 2021
I never corrected my neighbor when she got my name wrong and now too much time has passed and it would just be easier to change my name tbh
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 8, 2021
Explained what “paradise” meant to my 5 y/o and she said, “oh, like sleeping on marshmallows” so now I’m re-examining my life goals.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 9, 2021
I sent my 5 year old to go wash some apples for a snack. He walked up behind me a minute later and handed me one. I took a bite and turned around to ask where the others were. As I chewed, he pulled them from inside his underwear, which he'd used to carry them all back hands-free
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 6, 2021
I knew it was gonna be a long night when my 4yo said “I can’t sleep when my eyes are closed”
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) December 9, 2021
My husband and I had a few cocktails while we were out shopping and don’t remember what we bought the kids. I’m so excited to see what we got them on Christmas morning.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker 🎄 (@sixfootcandy) December 3, 2021
If you haven’t had sex in a long time, that’s called mourning wood
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) December 9, 2021
so many gems in this fake report card my 7yo made but omg pic.twitter.com/6vAMOywOXG
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 6, 2021
me: haha i love that ugly Christmas sweater!
her: this is just a Christmas sweater
me: this is why i don't talk to people.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 9, 2021
******
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