I usually post a little story here each week before getting into the tweets and memes. This week, I wrote that story over here.
That means we can get right down to business. You’re welcome.
Here are this week’s dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents.
Husband: When did these ornaments break?
Me: I have no idea. I didn’t touch them after I dropped the box.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker 🎄 (@sixfootcandy) November 30, 2021
my 4yo asked me if we could go to someone else’s house because he says we go to our house a lot
— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) November 30, 2021
10 y/o daughter walked up to me, turned and flipped her hair in my face claiming that is what she does now to finish an argument, which is cool and all except I didn’t know we were fighting.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) December 3, 2021
the one thing i'll miss most when i'm dead is eating food. i love food.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 3, 2021
I never realized how awesome I am at basketball until I had little kids.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 2, 2021
Causal Friends: talk about plans
Good friends: make plans
Real friends: cancel plans
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) December 3, 2021
can't say i haven't been tempted pic.twitter.com/AQyLaA4Lka
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 3, 2021
My son just informed me when a mommy has twins one comes out her front and one comes out her butt Catholic school is really paying off
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) December 1, 2021
Hey, on top of all the stress during the busiest month of the year don’t forget to dress up your kid next week for Grinch Day, Reindeer Day, Polar Express Day, Holly Day, and Cheer Day.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 3, 2021
If I had known how much laundry children generate I might have rethought this whole motherhood thing
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) December 3, 2021
5yo: daddy why did you fart??
Dad: you see honey when a man loves a burrito very much…
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 2, 2021
My apologies but flipping me off in a car with antlers and a jolly red nose just doesn’t have the same threatening vibe as prolly was intended
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 2, 2021
Things a bunch of 6-year-olds said they want for Christmas at tonight's Cub Scout meeting:
A real motorcycle
Do lions eat people?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 3, 2021
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