I’ve got nothing to really talk about this week but I just wanted to ask this question – how’s everyone doing?
Doing alright? It’s the holidays. Remote learning. Viruses.
Is everyone good?
Let me know in the comments if you’re not.
Here’s some funny stuff.
My ex asked if I have a boyfriend, saying my daughter keeps talking about 'Jerome'. Jerome is our roomba.
— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) December 18, 2020
My Christmas cards are ready. All I need is your street name, zip code, and credit card number.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 18, 2020
I asked my 11yo if he liked the kids in his class and he said “they’re not annoying, so”.
And honestly, “not annoying” is a pretty good low bar.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) December 18, 2020
If someone comments on you being on your phone too much tell them you're buying them a present.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 17, 2020
My wife will be on work calls all day. Please send some random chores or shout something sarcastic, so I don’t miss her. Thank you
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 18, 2020
I let my daughter craft with glitter today because I hate myself and nothing matters
— Holly Jolly Taco Lush
(@itsmebeegee07) December 18, 2020
Please tell me those people who start with the outdoor lights and inflatables in August are on the FBI watch list.
Andi Cane (@AndLookPretty) December 18, 2020
My 5-year-old: Mom, sometimes when you say words, it just ruins my…everything.
— Kiss my Fat Ash
(@Tobi_Is_Fab) December 18, 2020
My 9.5 year old locked the door during his shower for the first time, so once I was mostly finished being freaked out, I left a neat pile by his bed with a note:
You change your own sheets now.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) December 18, 2020
every time an actor does an interview about how they gained weight for a role they're like "honestly I just ate absolute nasty disgusting garbage for a month straight" and then they go on to describe my normal diet that I've been eating for 31 years
— Rachel Wenitsky (@RachelWenitsky) December 17, 2020
I thought I was having a bad morning & then remembered that some people have to wake up with that Elf on the Shelf.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 17, 2020
My kid & I play this game where I ask him to do something & he says “in a minute” & then I ask him a few more times & he keeps saying “in a minute” & then I start screaming like a banshee until he does it. It’s really fun.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) December 11, 2020
if you haven’t whispered fuck these kids to yourself at least a few times a day then congratulations you’re a better person than I am
— Vision Bored
(@VisionBored1) December 18, 2020
5yo: where is my shirt!?
Me: idk I'm not a magician, I can't just make things appear
5yo: yeah you are! You made our Halloween candy disappear!
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) December 17, 2020
Parenting during home school is tricky.
Now I have to ask, "Is anybody in a Zoom call?" before I yell at my kids.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 18, 2020