It’s a big day. My oldest turns 12.
It’s also Friday and you know that memes. Sorry. Means.
Yup. Let’s laugh a little.
Enjoy this week’s dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents.
Just when I thought 6 was finally so close to being fast asleep, he suddenly sat up straight in bed and said, “I’m just taking a little break from resting.”
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) March 18, 2022
My 13yo had to draw a woman he admires for an art project and when he told me he chose me my heart almost exploded but then he said “my sister is too little so you were the only other choice”, and this must be what they mean when they say parenting is not for the faint of heart.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) March 17, 2022
The thing about daylight saving time as the mother is you can’t lose an hour of sleep you weren’t going to get in the first place
— Mom Meh Dearest🤦🏼♀️ (@mommeh_dearest) March 13, 2022
Therapist: On the questionnaire you said you felt like people were out to get you.
Me: Yes, my kids. They don't know I'm here. Be quiet, they WILL find me!
— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) March 17, 2022
Therapist: I'm worried you're addicted to your work
Me chortling : Ha! If you think that's bad you should see the rest of my addictions!
— Lara 🌏⬇️🐨 (@Eithercryingor) March 7, 2022
I gave one kid a laser pointer and told the other to catch the dot.
Follow me for more pro-parenting tips.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) March 17, 2022
Me: *backs out of driveway*
3 from backseat: are we there yet?
— Dad Thoughts (@villarosa100581) March 18, 2022
I asked my 5 year old how his day was and he said "Best day ever, a REAL leprechaun came to my class!" so I am still kinda fuzzy on the science curriculum in kindergarten
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) March 17, 2022
i went to bed early last night so i could still not feel refreshed when i woke up
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 17, 2022
Who created the saying you can’t have your cake and eat it too?
Why the fuck else would I get a cake?
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) March 16, 2022
At this stage of life, I refuse to surround myself with people that aren’t an immediate ‘fuck yeah’.
— Emily ™ (@emily_tweets) March 17, 2022
i'm a free range parent in that my kids are encouraged to go as far away from me as possible
— Xennaissance Dad (@XennDad) March 16, 2022
Paranoia is just me opening my DVR to find 34 recorded episodes of Wives with Knives.
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) March 17, 2022
Parenting in 3 steps:
(1) Your kid gets a little cold
(2) They sneeze on you
(3) Now you have Ebola
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 15, 2022
5: today in school, we talked about what to do if you have anxiety
Me, grabbing a note pad and pen: go on
— Marissa 💚💛🍀 (@michimama75) March 15, 2022
Friend: Hey, how are things going?
Me: You ever see a little kid get overpowered by the gallon of milk when they are pouring it?
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 16, 2022
I still close the bathroom door when I’m home alone bc I don’t want the murderer to break in and see me on the toilet.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 17, 2022
My children put the "pro" in "procrastination."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 18, 2022
12yo: Dad, how big is the world?
Me: Very large
12yo: Okay, thanks! *runs away*
His science project is gonna rock
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 18, 2022