I have a morning routine. I do the same thing every morning, even on weekends. It involves mantras, stretching, reading, and mentally preparing for the day.
My kids have a morning routine. They do the same thing in the mornings before school. Both kids do everything except get ready for school.
Video games, art projects, stay in bed until the last possible minute, fight with one another, and generally get in my way. Occasionally, my daughter will help make her lunch. Otherwise, the kids move around the house like the Tazmanian devil on a coke bender.
We always leave the house time, though. I’m taking full credit. One day, I’m just going to put them fully in control and see what happens. Will they choose to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush their teeth, and walk out to the car without being asked A BILLION TIMES, or will they say, “oh, dad forgot it’s a school day” and continue spinning around the house after doing lines off the coffee table?
As much as I try to keep my cool, I’ll occasionally lose my shit. It’s usually over the same moment every time. We’re in a rush. The kids take FOREVER to do anything, and every action involving prepping for school feels like it takes AN ETERNITY.
I’ll say, “ok, put your shoes on, we’re leaving,” and that’s my son’s cue to start petting and saying goodbye to the cat.
Every. Damn. Time.
Even though I’ve said a billion times STOP PETTING THE FUCKING CAT AND PUT YOUR SHOES ON! HE DOESN’T GIVE A CRAP THAT YOU’RE LEAVING! HE WANTS YOU TO LEAVE! THE BOTH OF YOU GIVE HIM ANXIETY JUST LIKE YOU GIVE ME!
So, do I take the Xanax before or after the morning stretch?
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NOTES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
- Note #811 – High Noon
- Note #810 – Asylum
- Note #809 – Impasse
- Note #808 – Clinging
- Note #807 – Recognized
STUFF I DID ON INSTAGRAM THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
STUFF I DID ON TIKTOK THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED
@chris_illuminati #duet with @thedoubleeaterz yes. mmhmm. yes. #VenmoSpringBreak #food #delicious ♬ Ultimate life hacks – Kelly – The Life Bath
@chris_illuminati #duet with @ellawatchestv_ this cat can stay at my house anytime #catsoftiktok #AerieREAL #catslovers ♬ original sound – Ella, Jovie, & Emily
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That’s all I’ve got, kids. Please do me a favor and subscribe to the website and never miss an update. Ever.
And if you haven’t checked out my line of customized Post-It Notes with 3M, you should do so immediately!
I love you all.
Except you, Greg. Screw you.
– Chris
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