Welcome to another edition of “parents just barely making it,” better known as, “the funniest tweets and memes of the week.”
The other day, I was having a conversation with a friend about our kids and how we want them to be better than us in every way.
More successful, happier, taller, stronger, whatever, the kids just need to dwarf us in every category — when they get older.
Right now, I want to be better at everything.
Well, except for one thing. I want my kids to be funnier than me and I think they’re getting pretty damn close.
I had no idea what she was going to do. She just told me to “turn the camera on” and that’s what happened.
First off, at her age, I would not want a camera on me for any reason. Secondly, I don’t think if a camera was pointed at my face I could be that entertaining.
I’ll gladly be the third funniest person in the house starting right now.
Ok, now for more funny people.
my husband and I love to play “who can pile the most into the trash can without taking it out” and I can assure there are no winners here, just cursing, garbage covered losers
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 4, 2021
My firstborn reminds me of myself.
My second reminds me of my husband.
My third reminds me to take my birth control.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 4, 2021
We were looking for the TV remote and my 3yo said, "I know where it is!" We all got super excited, and she took us on this really long suspenseful field trip all over the house with zero intention of telling us where the remote was cuz she didn't know.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) March 5, 2021
He was a g8er boi pic.twitter.com/5rq3aamRqg
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 5, 2021
[Watching The Help]
Me: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
11: Ha! You’re more like, “Be nice or I’ll take away your phone.”
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) March 5, 2021
I really miss eavesdropping in public spaces.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) March 4, 2021
Welcome to parenthood. It now takes you five days to pack for a three day trip.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 3, 2021
“You have the choice, mommy. Let me play with this LEGO tonight, or I’ll wake everyone up really early tomorrow morning playing with it. It’s your choice.”
My 5yo using the power to choose tactic against me.
— Satirical Mommy (@MommySatirical) March 3, 2021
I love how my 5-year-old can do anything unless it’s something I specifically asked her to do.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 25, 2021
5 YO: “I had a bad dream.”
Me: “Oh no! What was it about?”
5 YO: “I woke up and there was no one here. Just me.”
5 YO: …
Me: *jealous* “Oh…. that sounds TeRriBLe.”
— Amanda Marcotte | Mediocre Mommy (@storiesofamom) March 5, 2021
These friggin pictures of signs and bridges are making me wonder if I really am a bot.
— redyellowgreendance (@RYGdance) March 4, 2021
I cheated on my wife in her dream last night so today I’m not allowed to look or talk to her. Happy Friday!
— JB’s Dad (@Dadof1crazykid) March 5, 2021
At the age where it’s considered rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if you don’t have enough for everyone.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 3, 2021
In the story of the $35 garage sale ceramic bowl going for $500k at auction, I’d be the person who had the garage sale.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) March 2, 2021
If anyone is on the fence about having kids, I just had to break up an argument about breathing.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 3, 2021
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