I called my internet provider to upgrade my service for homeschooling since we’ll all need to be on WiFi.
I was told I already have the fastest possible internet.
This is troublesome because my internet is shit.
“We can upgrade your router, which will improve the dead zones around the house. Are there certain dead zones?”
“My bedroom but that has nothing to do with the internet.”
(long, quiet pause)
“I’ll send that router out to you.”
Here are some of the funniest parenting tweets and memes from parents this week.
My 5-year-old follows me around telling me to charge my phone like some sort of life coach for the quarantined.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 21, 2020
Tortellini is a beautiful name for a daughter.
— brittany's 🦖 name (@_maybe_not_ever) August 20, 2020
Might have some champagne for making it through another 24 hour installment of 2020.
— Virginia McMurdo (@VirginiaMcMurdo) August 21, 2020
Told my husband I had WAP waiting when he got home and now he’s eating macaroni and not speaking to me.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) August 21, 2020
If my wife asks, apple orchards are all definitely closed this fall due to the pandemic.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 21, 2020
I used all my spare time to write a book, y’all! It’s called Your Garden Hose Is Also A Bidet
— ADHDeanBLM (@ADHDeanASL) August 20, 2020
My 6YO: I figured out the tablet password and bypassed all the parental controls to download all my shows and reset the password so only I can use it.
Also my 6YO: HELP! I put both legs in the same panthole and I’m stuck!
— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) August 13, 2020
[filling out a "getting to know you" sheet for the teacher]
Me: Do you like math?
Me: Listening to others?
Teachers don't get paid enough.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 21, 2020
At least 10 times a day, one of my kids excitedly tells the other kid something that he or she couldn’t give two shits about.
And feel bad about it.
Until I realize they’ll both be incredibly prepared for marriage.
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) August 21, 2020
My husband left a spoon in the ice cream container to make snacking easier.
I don’t think I could love him anymore than I do today.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 20, 2020
If we’re being honest… pic.twitter.com/cHEFpXNo0m
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) August 20, 2020
Anyone who is contemplating whether or not to have kids…
I just took a shower and my 4yo had his face pressed to the glass door the entire time, repetitively asking me why I don’t have a dinghy.
— Tortured by Toddlers (@TorturedByTots) August 19, 2020
Do you really need another blue button down shirt?
-says the wife with 9 black jumpers
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) August 19, 2020
For pandemic school photos my 10YO wants to wear — and I quote — “business on the top, Zoom on the bottom.”
— Sarah Cottrell (@HousewifePlus) August 18, 2020
Me to me: Everything is fine. Be a grownup.
Also me: pic.twitter.com/zDwauk0fUq
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) August 20, 2020
I dreamt of a lot of things that would happen when I was a mother one day.
My toddler waking me up to tell me “the floor is wet from my pee but don’t worry, I cleaned it with a pillow” was not on that list. Parenting is full of surprises y’all.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) August 15, 2020
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