My kids started a new school this week. They like the place so far. I’m a little suspect.
I’m sure by the end of the year I’ll love the school and they’ll hate it. I just have that feeling.
Do you know what else I’m feeling? Nachos.
Here are some other parents complaining about school, kids, and life.
Please enjoy this week’s dad jokes, parent complaints, mom puns, tweets, and rants every parent will appreciate.
My 4 year old just asked me If i could “connect her iPad to WiFi so she doesn’t whine”, and I feel like she already understands the art of setting expectations.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) September 10, 2021
Did I ever tell you about how uncomfortable my chair was in my wife’s birthing room?
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) September 8, 2021
Me: Age is just a number
My body: Nope
— Satirical Mommy (@SatiricalMommy) August 30, 2021
At this point in my life, all of my clothes come from places that also sell groceries and tires.
— Mommy Meme Jeans (@mommymemejeans) September 2, 2021
When my kid says we should go get donuts because they'll make our tummies happy pic.twitter.com/IYvrafYKZU
— Kona Slater ☕ (@KonaSlater) September 8, 2021
My 7yo wrote a note for her first crush and she's delivering it to him today and why I am more nervous about it than she is?
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) September 10, 2021
Tired of finishing your coffee? Try having kids
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 10, 2021
We’re all so emotionally damaged from this last year and a half that Steve from Blue’s Clues was like “I have to address the nation”
— Jaron Myers (@jaronmyers) September 8, 2021
– my 4-year-old while we play
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 10, 2021
If you sneeze and I say bless you then you sneeze again, well you’re on your own motherfucker
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) September 9, 2021
My wife is blasting Christmas music in September. This wasn't in the wedding vows.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 7, 2021
After seven years of marriage, I can always guess what's bothering my wife. I'm never right, but I can always guess.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 9, 2021
Find yourself a spouse who giggles when the ketchup bottle farts.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) September 9, 2021
My kid asked what fornicate meant and I panicked and said it meant to hold political office
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 10, 2021
Want to explore every public toilet in a five mile radius? Try having kids
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 10, 2021
Everyone has practice so we can either have dinner at 4:30 or 9:00.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 9, 2021
i read somewhere someone said celebrating your birthday is just you celebrating the time your parents had sexy time and i don't think i can ever celebrate my birthday again.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 10, 2021
Overheard 4 y/o daughter chastising her friend for not noticing her new hairstyle and somehow I’m already bonding with her future husband.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 10, 2021
Some moms put cute notes in their kids' lunches.
Mine say: "Don't forget you're grounded so don’t make any plans with friends this weekend. Love you!"
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 10, 2021
One time I rubbed the front and back of my husband's pants and said "DJ Alison on the ones and twos" so please calm down with this 'you're a terrible wife' nonsense
— mean things I say to myself (@meantomyself) September 10, 2021
If you want to know how long the fun & excitement of going back to school lasts for a kid it’s 2 days.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) September 10, 2021
Took my kids to church for the first time and my daughter asked who the ninja was. It was the priest.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 4, 2021
It's School Picture day, also known as "I can't believe we paid $96 for these."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 10, 2021
Me: What did you do at school today?
Me: There’s no way you did nothing all day.
Kid: What did you do at work today?
Me: Point taken.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 9, 2021
I thought Steve was going to save us when he mentioned student loans pic.twitter.com/iLS9Vi2dQJ
— Yelisa (@motherplaylist) September 9, 2021
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